The opening text explains that the Assassins exist to protect the Apple (of original sin infamy) from the forces of the Knights Templar. Fine. But then the story opens in 1492. Um, the Templars were disbanded in 1312. Well, the Assassins are a secret order so I suppose the Templars are now a secret order as well. But then Torquemada, infamous as the Grand Inquisitor or the Spanish Inquisition, declares victory for the Templars when the Apple is in his grasp. Um, the Templars were burned as heretics in 1312; not really a good fit for a fellow associated with burning heretics. Maybe this is suppose to be irony. Okay, I'm drifting. It is 1492 and Aguilar (Michael Fassbender) has a finger sliced off as part of his initiation into the Assassins. He speaks the Assassin's Creed, which boils down to 'the ends justify the means.'
In the present, Callum "Cal" Lynch (Michael Fassbender) is led to the death chamber in Huntsville, TX where he is executed by lethal injection. And then he wakes up at the Abstergo Foundation in Spain. Not clear on the particulars of how this was accomplished though Dr. Sophia Rikkin (Marion Cotillard) was present at his execution and is also the chief researcher at the Abstergo Foundation. Maybe the switching of the lethal drugs was left on the cutting room floor. Beyond saying he killed 'a pimp' and he appears to have no regrets about it, we don't get the backstory on how he found himself on death row. Awesome character development so far! It turns out that Cal is a direct descendent of Aguilar. The Abstergo Foundation has a means of reading memories from genes. The process involves 'synchronizing' Cal with his genetic ancestor and allow him to 'act out' particular incidents. Thus, we see the wildly outlandish adventures of Aguilar, martial artist and parkour expert.
Of interest, Cal is only the most recent of Sophia's subjects. He meets several others who are generally hostile. The synchronizing process provides memories, abilities, and attitudes of their genetic ancestors. That the Abstergo Foundation is aware of this side effect and yet keeps these people around is inexplicable. The Templars are essentially resurrecting assassins and then letting them wander the halls. Worse, the facility security guards are bumpkins who are easy prey to these skilled assassins. No one saw this coming?
The action scenes are epic and mostly done without CGI, they are nonetheless ludicrous. During an escape, Aguilar leaps from a tower and plunges toward the ground. Before he can presumably splatter on the pavement, Cal desynchronizes and has a seizure. Did Aguilar die? No. Cal links up again and we see the further adventures of Aguilar. How exactly did he survive that fall? Magic? Why are Spaniards in league with the Sultan and are troubled that the Reconquista is on the brink of its final victory? Is Aguilar Muslim? Why is it that the Templars will use the Apple to dominate the world but the Sultan will not? Are Catholics less respectful of free will than Muslims? After decades of reversals on the Iberian Peninsula, why is the Apple housed in the last remaining stronghold in Spain rather than Bagdad? The action is set in 1492 while Granada was the last remaining Islamic state; did the screenwriter know that Granada surrendered on January 2nd? Spring-loaded wrist blades may be useful as a hidden weapon but are impractical for melee. Parkour only dates back to the 1980s, not the 1490s. When Aguilar escapes with the Apple, why would he give it to Christopher Columbus? Aguilar insisted that Columbus take the Apple to his grave. Of course, Columbus has had more graves than most. He was first interred in Valladolid, Spain. Then he was moved Seville. From Seville, his remains were transferred to what is now the Dominican Republic. When France took the island, his remains moved to Havana, Cuba. When Spain lost that, his remains returned to Seville. Luckily, the Apple never got lost along the way.
Why is there always a murky fog when viewing the scene from above? It is like they used cut scenes from the video game that didn't quite work on the big screen. What is the deal with the eagle? Constantly, there is this eagle soaring at incredible speed over mountains, valleys, and cities, offering an eye in the sky before zooming to the action of the characters. Does the assassin turn into the eagle? Is that how he survived the suicidal jump? The omnipresence of the eagle required an explanation. Maybe it would all make sense if I had played the video game.
As if all those failings aren't enough, the characters are universally unappealing. There is no reason to like Cal beyond the fact that he is the protagonist. The 'heroes' win not because they are more skilled or smarter but because Sophia and her father (Jeremy Irons) are so profoundly stupid that they allowed a growing cohort of assassins to congregate near the heart of the operation. It would be one thing if all of them were actively being genetic synchronized but most of them were done. Why not kill them? At least send them to another facility. Villain stupidity saves the world again.
It has its moments but is mostly mediocre. Skip this one.
The action scenes are epic and mostly done without CGI, they are nonetheless ludicrous. During an escape, Aguilar leaps from a tower and plunges toward the ground. Before he can presumably splatter on the pavement, Cal desynchronizes and has a seizure. Did Aguilar die? No. Cal links up again and we see the further adventures of Aguilar. How exactly did he survive that fall? Magic? Why are Spaniards in league with the Sultan and are troubled that the Reconquista is on the brink of its final victory? Is Aguilar Muslim? Why is it that the Templars will use the Apple to dominate the world but the Sultan will not? Are Catholics less respectful of free will than Muslims? After decades of reversals on the Iberian Peninsula, why is the Apple housed in the last remaining stronghold in Spain rather than Bagdad? The action is set in 1492 while Granada was the last remaining Islamic state; did the screenwriter know that Granada surrendered on January 2nd? Spring-loaded wrist blades may be useful as a hidden weapon but are impractical for melee. Parkour only dates back to the 1980s, not the 1490s. When Aguilar escapes with the Apple, why would he give it to Christopher Columbus? Aguilar insisted that Columbus take the Apple to his grave. Of course, Columbus has had more graves than most. He was first interred in Valladolid, Spain. Then he was moved Seville. From Seville, his remains were transferred to what is now the Dominican Republic. When France took the island, his remains moved to Havana, Cuba. When Spain lost that, his remains returned to Seville. Luckily, the Apple never got lost along the way.
Why is there always a murky fog when viewing the scene from above? It is like they used cut scenes from the video game that didn't quite work on the big screen. What is the deal with the eagle? Constantly, there is this eagle soaring at incredible speed over mountains, valleys, and cities, offering an eye in the sky before zooming to the action of the characters. Does the assassin turn into the eagle? Is that how he survived the suicidal jump? The omnipresence of the eagle required an explanation. Maybe it would all make sense if I had played the video game.
As if all those failings aren't enough, the characters are universally unappealing. There is no reason to like Cal beyond the fact that he is the protagonist. The 'heroes' win not because they are more skilled or smarter but because Sophia and her father (Jeremy Irons) are so profoundly stupid that they allowed a growing cohort of assassins to congregate near the heart of the operation. It would be one thing if all of them were actively being genetic synchronized but most of them were done. Why not kill them? At least send them to another facility. Villain stupidity saves the world again.
It has its moments but is mostly mediocre. Skip this one.
No comments:
Post a Comment