Used Cars (1980)

Rudy "Trust Me" Russo (Kurt Russell) is a used car salesman with dreams of political office.  In order to secure his nomination, he must provide a cash donation; he's $10,000 short.  His boss, Luke Fuchs (Jack Warden), offered to give him the money.  Rudy is so grateful that he offers a 50-50 split on all the graft once he's in office.  However, Luke's brother, Roy (Jack Warden), owns a used car dealership across the street and has eyes on securing a monopoly.  If something happened to Luke, he would inherit the lot.  Well, as long as Luke's daughter didn't show up.  Barbara Fuchs (Deborah Harmon) came looking for her father and found herself as the owner of a failing car dealership.  Could she and Rudy keep it solvent long enough to benefit from a new highway exit?

The movie is a series of zany gags and crazy humor.  In order to drum up business, Rudy contacted Freddie (David Lander) and Eddie (Michael McKean) to hijack the local TV signal and air a commercial for the dealership.  That Lenny and Squiggy appear was itself hilarious.  The commercial goes horribly wrong with the female model (Cheryl Rixon) somehow made topless; the lot was packed the following day.  Further such antics saw the pair hijack a presidential address!

Jack Warden makes for a terrific villain as Roy Fuchs.  There is no underhanded tactic that is beneath him, including an effort to put his niece in jail.  Kurt Russell inhabits his role as a sleazy car salesman, only too happy to do whatever it took to sell a car.  Despite his dishonesty, manipulativeness, and general lack of morals, he was somehow likable.  Gerrit Graham was a great wingman to Russell.  His faith in superstitions from rabbit's feet to saltshakers to fear of red cars made him a constant source of laughs.  By contrast, Deborah Harmon is left as the straight man in most of the gags.  To add yet another classic guest appearance, Al Lewis (best known as grandpa from The Munsters) played Judge Harrison.

At the time this was released, it was quite the raunchy comedy.  Today, it feels tame.  Nonetheless, it is a lot of fun.  Recommended.

Mr. Baseball (1992)

Jack Elliot (Tom Selleck) was a New York Yankee, an MVP from the World Series.  He viewed himself as untouchable.  Then a new player arrived and the Yankees traded Jack.  "Not Canada!" Jack insisted.  No, not Canada.  "Cleveland?"  Nope.  He was being traded to Japan.  Jack arrived in Japan to find himself assigned an interpreter, Yoji (Toshi Shioya), who often changed Jack's replies to completely change the meaning.  His coach, Uchiyama (Ken Takakura), was a serious and sober man who did not appreciate Jack's disrespectful antics.  Hiroko (Aya Takanashi) was his assigned agent and arranged for his mandatory endorsement deals and TV commercials in Japan.  She soon became his love interest.  Jack was not the only American on the team; Max 'Hammer' Dubois (Dennis Haysbert) had been in Japan for 5 years and offered pointers on assimilation, most of which Jack didn't take.

The movie doesn't know what it wants to be.  The comedy elements are purely situational and fish out of water variety humor.  There are no laugh out loud gags or jokes.  The romance between Jack and Hiroko is bland.  She's the only woman he knows in Japan who speaks English; she's the only fish in the pond.  Later revelations about her parents paint this in an even weirder light.  Because much of the dialogue is in Japanese, the other players - except Max - don't get much development.  It is unclear why this movie was even greenlit.

Of course, this was the year that ended Tom Selleck's movie career.  Also in 1992, he had a cameo in the critically panned Christopher Columbus: The Discovery, and stared in Folks!, a movie where Don Ameche played his senile father who moved in with him; it was a comedy.  All three were box office bombs.

Skip

Project Hail Mary (2026)

Somewhere in space, Ryland Grace (Ryan Gosling) awoke.  He was disoriented and a robot prompted him with questions.  Soon, he was coherent, but he didn't know who he was or where he was.  After exploring the ship, he found that his two crewmates had died.  As he familiarized himself with the ship, Hail Mary, some flashes of memory returned to him.  The sun was dying on account of an alien lifeform.  In fact, every star in the neighborhood was dying with the exception of Tau Ceti.  He was at Tau Ceti to find out why and perhaps save the earth from an inevitable and unending ice age.

Some days after he awoke, the ship's flight plan concluded and now it was up to him to determine what to do.  However, an alien vessel approached!  A meet-cute between Grace and Rocky (James Ortiz) takes place.  Rocky is a five-limbed rock-like creature and has come to Tau Ceti for the same reason as Grace.  Together, the duo investigate what makes Tau Ceti immune to the sun-eating micro-organisms.

The story takes place both in the present - Tau Ceti - and in the past - Grace's recurring flashes of memory as his amnesia fades.  His earth memories show him as a middle school science teacher who was recruited by an international agency headed by Eva Stratt (Sandra Huller).  She is not friendly and quite ruthless.  Understandable considering the situation, but not a likeable character.  These past memories show that he was not intended to be on the mission and also introduce his two deceased crewmates.

The movie does a very good job of following the book.  It simplifies here and there, but hits all the important points.  The very different environment of Rocky is softened, which allowed him to wander around the Hail Mary in a hamster ball rather than building a tunnel system.  Solid xenon is much funnier in the movie than it was in the book.  Where I liked the book Grace less as I got to know him, the movie Grace was more likeable by the end.

Excellent film and great popcorn fun.  Recommended.

Hellfighters (1968)

Chance Buckman (John Wayne) was known internationally as the best oil rig firefighter in the business.  When the call came in that his services were required, he turned his jet around and summoned his crew.  There was Greg Parker (Jim Hutton), a playboy with a different woman in every city.  There there was Joe Horn (Bruce Cabot), a reliable and able man.  Lastly, he had George Harris (Edward Faulkner), who mostly served in an administrative capacity, but was eager to get in the thick of the action.  The crew convened at the fire, which was being actively covered by NBC News.  In fact, the news crew became a nuisance that resulted in a serious injury to Chance.

Chance's injury was serious enough that Greg contacted his estranged daughter, Tish (Katharine Ross).  Of course, Greg is drawn to her and vice versa.  By the time Chance awakens, Greg has become his son-in-law!  What will his ex-wife, Madelyn (Vera Miles), think of this?

The story covers several fires, with particular interest on the anxiety of Madelyn and Tish.  Madelyn had divorced Chance because she could not endure his dangerous profession.  She was worried that Tish would have the same issue with Greg.  Unsurprisingly, he nearly dies in every fire.  Will he survive the movie?

The original script didn't have enough action for John Wayne's tastes, so he insisted more was added.  Thus we have a barroom brawl in Southeast Asia, rebels attacking a series of wells in Venezuela, and even a strafing run by rebel planes that is countered by military anti-aircraft guns.  Oil well fires just aren't sufficiently exciting.  Intermingled with all this action are the love stories of Greg & Tish and Chance & Madelyn.  These are very much by the numbers romances that feel tacked on.

The character of Chance Buckman was based on Red Adair, a famous oil rig firefighter.  He was still active when Saddam Hussein ignited the oil wells in Kuwait during the Gulf War (1991).

Mediocre.  John Wayne needed to stick to the Western or the World War II epic.

Appointment with Death (1988)

Before the will can be read, Emily Boynton (Piper Laurie) blackmailed the family lawyer, Jefferson Cope (David Soul) into using an older will that gave her complete control over the estate.  She was the 2nd Mrs. Boynton and step-mother to all but one of the Boynton children, all of whom were adults.  They mostly knew there had been a new will but could not prove it.  Soon afterwards, the family went on a world tour and everyone pondered how to kill Emily Boynton.  On a cruise from Trieste to the Levant, the family revealed all unwittingly in earshot of the eminent Hercule Poirot (Peter Ustinov).

While on a day trip to an archeological site in Palestine, Mrs. Boynton was discovered to be dead!  Poirot quickly deduced that it was murder!  But who could it be?

Was it Lennox Boynton (Nicholas Guest), the oldest of the Boynton children who was forced to live with his step-mother despite being married?

Could it be Nadine Boynton (Carrie Fisher), Lennox's wife?  She was Mrs. Boynton's nurse and had met Lennox by way of that occupation.  She was tired of her oppressive mother-in-law.

Maybe it was Jefferson Cope the lawyer who was having an affair with Nadine.

Perhaps Raymond Boynton (John Terlesky) killed her so he could run off with Dr. Sarah King (Jenny Seagrove).  Speaking of Dr. King, maybe she killed the old bat to clear the way to marrying Raymond.

Then there is Carol Boynton (Valerie Richards), who had plotted with Raymond while on the cruise ship.

Of course, there is no reason at all to suspect Lady Westholme (Lauren Bacall) who just happened to be on the same trip and has an alarming amount of screen time for a character with no link to the plot.  Really, it is a complete mystery why she is even included.  What possible motive could she have?

The story is half-baked but the scenery is great and the acting passable.  The cast is impressive.  In addition to the above, John Gielgud played the local military commander, Colonel Carbury, Hayley Mills appeared as an archeologist.

Just okay.  Fun to see Ustinov in his final appearance as Poirot.

The January Man (1989)

Bernadette Flynn (Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio) and her friend, Alison Hawkins (Faye Grant), headed home after a New Year's Eve Party.  They shared a cab to Alison's apartment building.  Drunk and happy, Alison stumbled into her apartment and said hello to her fish.  Then, a figure appeared behind her and strangled her to death with a blue ribbon.  This was the 11th murder in the last 11 months with the same M. O.

Mayor Flynn (Rod Steiger) was furious and vented his anger to Police Commissioner Frank Starkey (Harvey Keitel).  Bernadette is his daughter, so this struck alarmingly close to home.  The mayor demanded that Nick Starkey (Kevin Kline), who happened to be the commissioner's brother, get reinstated as a police detective to solve the case.  Frank was less than keen, but obeyed orders.  Nick had been with the fire department since his scandalous departure from the police.  Nick's methods were unorthodox and his choice for an assistant - an artist named Ed (Alan Rickman) - raised eyebrows.  Captain Alcoa (Danny Aiello) was apoplectic that Nick was reinstated and that he was required to provide whatever the crackpot needed.

Despite the setup, the murder mystery is almost secondary as far as the plot is concerned.  A great deal of time focused on Nick's obsession with his brother's wife, Christine (Susan Sarandon).  Indeed, it would seem that they were an item before his exit from the police.  He even accuses her of marrying the wrong brother.  Oddly, Nick's one requirement for returning to the police was that he could have dinner alone with Christine.  Bizarre.

Later, Nick clumsily followed Bernadette, only to be spotted by her.  Okay, so he's not that good at tailing someone.  Then, rather than talk to her about the case, he convinced her to go to a hotel and hop in the sack.  She agreed!  Um, is this a murder mystery or a romance?  Bernadette moved in with Nick and became his Girl Friday for the remainder of the film, with relatively little pushback from her father, the mayor!

The movie has no idea what it wants to be.  None of the relationships are sufficiently developed.  The brothers more or less hate one another and it was Frank who was guilty of the crime that got Nick kicked off the force.  Christine rejected Nick at the dinner but later returned to find Bernadette at his apartment; now she was jealously incarnate and couldn't wait to leave Frank.  Huh?  Ed is an artist and computer whiz with a Maynard Krebs view on life; kind of a wasted use of Alan Rickman.  Rod Steiger is just a blowhard with a bad perm.  So, is this a romantic comedy, a murder mystery, a thriller, a whodunit, or what?  All of the above in a hodge podge fashion.

With such a great cast, this is an astonishingly mediocre film.  Skip.

Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024)

In the post-apocalyptic world, two young girls were picking fruit in a garden-like oasis in the middle of a vast Australian desert when they spotted a band of bikers.  Furiosa (Alyla Browne) sneaked through the brush to investigate but was grabbed by a biker.  She fled and blew her whistle but was soon slung across the bike - bound hand and foot - which raced into the desert.  Her mother (Charlee Fraser) gave chase, picking off members of the band, but the last one successfully returned to the camp of Dementus (Chris Hemsworth).  Furiosa became the faux-daughter of Dementus and never spoke.

Dementus was an ambitious man, eager to secure more power in the Wasteland.  When he came upon the citadel of Immortan Joe, he immediately sought to capture it.  That didn't go well.  However, he was a crafty fellow and soon had an 'understanding' with Joe.  The understanding cost - among other considerations - Furiosa.  For the next decade, Furiosa (Anya Taylor-Joy) quietly - almost entirely mute and posing as a boy - earned a spot for herself among the mechanics.  Praetorian Jack (Tom Burke) - a noted road warrior - recognized her talents during a mission and apprenticed her as a road warrior.

A prequel to Fury Road (2015), this movie gives the story of Furiosa's rise.  I preferred the vague backstory from Fury Road rather than this detailed chronology.  Initially, she was brought into Joe's harem to eventually be one of his brides, but she ran off before she was of age.  Where did she go?  Down to the garage.  Clearly, Joe's efforts to find her failed.  Rather than explore this transition, the story just jumps forward a year or two with her already established among the laborers.  By the time she is Praetorian Jack's apprentice, it is clear she is a woman and no one seems to care.

The movie has some great road combat, very like those of Fury Road.  However, it was harder to be invested in the characters.  Praetorian Jack gets a lot of screen time but not so much character development.  Throughout his time with Furiosa, he's the leader but at the same time he plays like her sidekick.  Yeah, it didn't quite work.  Imagine a Batman movie where Robin was the main character.  Furiosa's mission is to get revenge against Dementus and then return home.  This movie tells her revenge story - mostly - while the next one is her return home story.  Early on, Dementus is an impressive villain and it is hard to believe that dainty Furiosa could overcome him.  By the last act, he's easy to kill, a mouse to her cat.  He's no threat to her at all, having destroyed himself and his gang in a futile war against Immortan Joe.

As far as the acting, the only stand out is Chris Hemsworth.  His Dementus dominates any scene he's in, being a loud-mouthed braggart who is supremely confident in his abilities.  He's clever and daring.  If not for his cruel villainy, he might be a fun fellow to have over for dinner.  By contrast, Anya Taylor-Joy is stuck being mute for most of the movie, offering the occasional glare to mar her otherwise expressionless face.

Just okay.

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017)

Mildred (Frances McDormand) wanted justice.  Her daughter was raped and murdered six months ago and the police have made no arrests.  In order to remind Chief Willoughby (Woody Harrelson) that the case is pending, she rented three accusatory billboards with the chief's name on the last.  Unsurprisingly, the news media reported the billboards.

Chief Willoughby was a competent police chief and well-liked by the citizens.  Though he would like nothing more than to solve the crime, there were no leads and no evidence to follow.  He has nothing but compassion and understanding for Mildred's point of view, but there isn't anything he can do.  On top of that, he has terminal cancer.

Deputy Dixon (Sam Rockwell) was a racist bully who was completely loyal to Chief Willoughby.  He was more offended by the billboards than the chief and intended to do something about them.  One thing was to confront the man who rented them to Mildred: Red Welby (Caleb Landry Jones).  This visit involved beating the man and tossing him from a second story window.  This clearly criminal behavior was witnessed by a senior officer who did nothing more than fire Dixon from the force.  Yeah, that's some justice for you.

Mildred, Willoughby, and Dixon are the three main characters and each is surrounded by support characters.  Mildred has an ex-husband (John Hawkes), a son (Lucas Hedges), a man eager to date her (Peter Dinklage), and Father Montgomery (Nick Searcy).  Willoughby has a wife (Abbie Cornish) and daughters.  Dixon has his mother (Sandy Martin).  The movie revolves around them, initially with Willoughby standing between Mildred and Dixon, but later with Mildred and Dixon coming to an accord.

Of all the characters, Dixon has the most dramatic character arc.  He begins as quite detestable but ends as a man who is seeking redemption.  Still, he should be in jail for tossing Red out the window and smacking Red's secretary in the face.  Willoughby is the only one who was likeable throughout, a really decent man who was dealt some tough cards to play.

Both Frances McDormand and Sam Rockwell won Oscars for their performances.  Rockwell did an impressive job of bringing Dixon to life and making him both a terrible human being but also one who improves through adversity.  By contrast, McDormand is just a grieving mother who is acting out.  She is the same person at the end as at the beginning.

Just okay.

Convoy (1978)

Rubber Duck (Kris Kristofferson) was a trucker when the speed limit was changed to 55 miles per hour.  Between the new speed limit and the regulations on how many hours per day could be spent driving, some truckers were having trouble staying solvent.  This was made all the worse by sheriffs like Dirty Lyle Wallace (Ernest Borgnine).  Dirty Lyle used CB chatter to set up speed traps where he would let the truckers go for a bribe; that way their insurance premiums wouldn't increase.

Rubber Duck was at an Arizona truck stop when Dirty Lyle started rousting Spider Mike (Franklyn Ajaye) and threatening to arrest him.  The Duck moved to intervene and a fight broke out.  Soon, all the truckers joined into a brawl against three police officers.  The truckers skedaddled, disabling the police cars on the way out of the lot.  Soon, a line of trucks drove east across Arizona and into New Mexico and Texas.  Many others got word and soon more trucks joined.  It was a convoy!

The movie doesn't make a lick of sense.  Somehow, the states are powerless to stop the convoy and the governor of New Mexico (Seymour Cassel) wanted to negotiate with Rubber Duck.  Negotiate about what?  When Spider Mike heads home - leaving the convoy - he got arrested and jailed.  Well, he did participate in that brawl.  In response, many of the truckers went to the town where he was jailed and flattened buildings, destroyed a police car, and crashed through the jail.  Um, okay.

Now they knew they were in big trouble.  Duck suggested crossing into Mexico.  So, he led the way but all the other trucks were cutoff by an ice cream man accident.  Alone, Duck approached the dinky bridge that crossed a river - presumably the Rio Grande - but Dirty Lyle was waiting on the other side with an armored vehicle.  In Mexico?  Huh?  Nonetheless, Duck raced across the bridge and the machineguns opened fire.  The wreckage plunged into the river.  So much for Rubber Duck?

Melissa (Ali MacGraw) was a traveling photographer who had a run-in with Rubber Duck in the opening and then encountered him again at the Arizona truck stop.  She needed a ride.  Despite the brawl, she climbed into Duck's truck and became part of the convoy, often nagging Duck about the ongoing events.  She repeatedly declined offers to get out.  Like most of the other characters, she also acts like some great injustice is occurring and Duck should make demands.  Huh?

Amazingly, this was Sam Pekinpah's most financially successful movie.  Of course, trucker movies were all the rage in the mid to late 70s (e.g., Smokey and the Bandit) and CB culture was everywhere for a time.  However, the movie has not aged well.  It's thin on plot and often inexplicable.  Why are the police so stymied by the convoy?  It feels like a chunk of the movie that explained the grievances of the truckers ended up on the cutting room floor.

Mediocre.  Skip.

Drive Angry (2011)

Milton (Nicolas Cage) escaped hell because he was on a mission.  He needed to find his newborn granddaughter and save her from a Satanic cult that intended to use her as a sacrifice.  Shortly after returning to the land of the living, Milton encountered Piper (Amber Heard).  What is particularly interesting about Piper, from Milton's point of view, is that she drives a 1969 Dodge Charger.  He hitched a ride.  Of course, hell was not keen on Milton's escape and dispatched the accountant (William Fichtner) to collect him.  Can Milton find Jonah King (Billy Burke) the cult leader who murdered his daughter and planned to also murder his granddaughter while keeping ahead of the accountant?

The movie is just shoot 'em up fun with lots of gun battles, car chases, and gory deaths.  One particular fight scene had Milton actively engaging a prostitute during a gunfight.  Since Milton is already dead, he can't be killed.  All his injuries heal, given time, even the bullet through his eye.  The revenant has come for the satanic cult members.

William Fitchner steals any scene he is in.  He is quite entertaining as an officious bureaucrat from hell.  Amber Heard is unremarkable.  Yeah, she's beautiful, but her character is tacked onto the story because the writers needed a pretty woman along for the ride.  There is nothing between Milton and Piper, just a chance encounter.  Nick Cage is Nick Cage.  He hits all the usual beats and proves to be a serviceable, run-of-the-mill hero.

Mindless popcorn fun.

Heartbreak Ridge (1986)

US Marine Gunnery Sergeant Tom Highway (Clint Eastwood) had been in the Corps since the 1950s and was nearing mandatory retirement.  Reassigned to Recon Marines, he found an undisciplined collection of dissolute Marines; Gunny Highway set to work forging them into an elite fighting force.  However, he had to contend with Major Powers (Everett McGill), a professional paper-pusher who disliked Highway's checkered past.  Then there was the issue of Tom's ex-wife, Aggie (Marsha Mason), who was dating a man who hated Marines.  Tom was reading women's magazines for relationship advice with a notion of getting back together.  At length, the invasion of Grenada in October 1983 tested his Marines and provided Highway with a final taste of combat before his retirement.

There are points when the movie shines and others when it drags.  There are some great bits.  One memorable one was that t-shirt matching during PT.  That the goal post seemed to move each time was fun.  Improvise, adapt, overcome.  Heck, I remember hearing that from friends in the Marines.  The battle in Grenada was surprisingly bland and included goofball A-Team silliness, such as driving a bulldozer (wow, handy that it is on the side of the road and available to the Marines) at an enemy machinegun position where the bullets ping against the raised blade.  Yeah.  But it wasn't raised high enough to cover the driver.  Lucky the Cubans didn't aim a little higher.  Well, this isn't a war movie, it's a dramedy?

Though the movie is set in 1983, the title refers to a battle fought during the Korean War (1950-53) by the US Army, not the Marines.  It is revealed that Highway won the Congressional Medal of Honor during the battle and that he had been in the Army at the time.  A thumbnail sketch of the battle is offered by Sergeant Major Choozoo (Arlen Dean Snyder), who was also a veteran of the battle.  Well, that's good to know.  Are there flashbacks?  No.  This is just to establish Highway's bona fides.

Just okay.

They Will Kill You (2026)

Asia Reeves (Zazie Beetz) spent more than a decade in prison after shooting her father in a parking lot while trying to escape his abuse with her younger sister, Maria.  The intervening years have toughened her and provided time for a guilty conscience to grow.  Her father had survived and her sister was once again in his custody.  Now she wanted to reconnect with her sister, but she had vanished into a mysterious building - The Virgil - that hosted the wealthy.  Stealing the identity of a new employee, she infiltrated the building.  Then the creepy residents attacked!  Luckily, she was prepared; she had brought a shotgun and a machete.

Very like Ready or Not, Asia must survive the night against a host of residents while also locating her sister, Maria (Myha'la).  Among the homicidal tenants were Sharon (Heather Graham), Kevin (Tom Felton), and Lily Woodhouse (Patricia Arquette).  I did not initially recognize any of them.  Tom Felton is best remembered as Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter.  Heather Graham's career peak was probably in the late 90's as Rollerskate Girl in Boogie Nights or Felicity Shagwell in Austin Powers II.  As for Patricia Arquette, she was most famous in the 90's, but I recall her from her role in Boyhood.

The movie is one long action-packed rollercoaster ride and one must suspend disbelief to the extreme.  Yes, the story is ludicrous but fun.  Despite the blood and gore, this is quite comedic, sort of like the Evil Dead movies & series.

Good popcorn fun!

Margin Call (2011)

In 2008, Eric Dale (Stanley Tucci) was working on a report about serious financial issues at a New York investment bank when he was laid off.  On his way out the door, he offered a thumb drive to Peter Sullivan (Zachary Quinto), a junior member of the risk management team and offered the warning to 'Be careful.'  Sullivan was a rocket scientist who found that the pay was much better in banking.  He spent the evening working on Dale's research and filling in gaps that required his technical skills.  The results were grim.  Though it was late at night, he called his supervisor, Will Emerson (Paul Bettany).  Emerson reviewed the data and called his supervisor back to the office.  Sam Rogers (Kevin Spacey) called in Sarah Robertson (Demi Moore) and Jared Cohen (Simon Baker), who in turn summoned the CEO, John Tuld (Jeremy Irons), at 4 in the morning.  The mortgage-backed securities were a threat to the bank's solvency.  Could the bank divest itself of these worthless securities before the market discovered what Sullivan's research had determined?

The story takes place over a 24-hour period, giving a glimpse of how the 2008 Crash unfolded.   Where The Big Short gave a view of the overall crash, this looks at only one bank and its efforts to avert bankruptcy.  The characters don't get a lot of development as there are so many.  Quinto is playing Spock here, an analytical character who provides advanced knowledge with which his superiors will make decisions.  Yes, a role he had already perfected.  Bettany is a charming rogue and the top trader at the bank, something of a cynical nihilist.  Strangely, he is a rock upon whom both juniors and seniors rely.  Impressive.  Kevin Spacey plays the manager of the trade floor and the man who must sell worthless securities before the market realizes they are worthless.  Can he do that?  Is that ethical?  Jeremy Irons dominates when he arrives, offering insight on how an investment bank survives and what justifies dumping worthless product on customers.

Highly recommened.

Citizen Vigilante (2026)

Somewhere in Europe, a mother shopped with her son.  As they left the store and walked toward home, a black man with a knife stabbed the mother in the neck.  She bled out on the ground.  Michael Sanders (Armie Hammer) was an American who had come to Europe upon his father's death.  He found the situation intolerable and was only too happy to explain how things should be.  Though he owned rental property, he refused to let the government use any units to house immigrants.  He lectured a trio of rowdy youths about proper behavior, warning them to clean up their act; the next time he met them, there was no warning.  Judges who released criminals became his targets.  Then there were the criminals themselves; he was not forgiving.  Much of the populace celebrate his vigilantism and he is regularly discussed by the evening news.  Chief Henry (Costas Mandylor) was determined to end his reign of justice.

As a Uwe Boll film, it is badly made.  The same scene will be filmed from three angles and he will use the complete footage.  For example, the cop approached the door and set an explosive charge on the lock.  Different angle, the cop approached the door and set a charge on the lock.  Third angle, the cop approached the door and set a charge.  At another point, several police are mowed down in automatic gunfire.  It looked like 2 dozen men were killed but there were about 8 bodies on the floor when the action ended.  Yes, different angles again.  Then there is the non-linear filming.  At another scene, the police are carrying out bodies from an apartment building.  What is this about?  It is the site of Sander's massacre of a Muslim family, which proved to be the finale of the movie.  Boll must be trying to ape Pulp Fiction.

The news reports are astonishingly wooden, as if the female newscaster was reading the script for the first time.  Because much of the acting is wooden, Hammer comes across as an old pro.  Of course, it isn't a demanding role.  Sanders is intensely serious and takes no guff.  He explains to most of his victims why he is punishing them and how they deserve it.  He is Death Wish and the Punisher mixed together.  Mandylor proved to be bland, speaking with an unidentifiable 'European' accent.  The rest of the cast are unknowns and have tiny roles.

The point of this movie is the message.  Citizen Vigilante is an answer to the dramatic rise in crime across Europe and the various governments unwillingness to address it.  One of the storylines in the movie echoes a real incident: a 14-year-old girl was raped by 7 teens who were given suspended sentences.  Sanders claims that he will provide justice until the populace learns to provide it for themselves.

The movie is poorly made, poorly scripted, and full of holes, but the message is explosive.  Where most movies and TV shows will paint the white majority as a bunch of intolerant racists and the immigrants as entirely worthy, this movie flips that narrative.  The movie is a call to arms, a demand that the politicians reverse course, and perhaps a standard for the abused populace to gather behind.

Recommended.

Gandahar (1987)

On the bizarre world of Gandahar, automatons are sweeping the landscape and petrifying people.  They collect the statues and carry them away through a mysterious dimensional gate.  Ambisextra (Glenn Close), the leader of the Council of Women and mother of Sylvain (John Shea), dispatched her son to investigate the strange metal men.  During this odyssey, he met Airelle (Jennifer Grey), whom he rescued.  Then he encountered the deformed, a race of men who all have different deformities and often special powers; one of them spoke of a prophecy that would be fulfilled in a thousand years.  They show him the dimensional gate.  He sailed on the ocean and found what appeared to be a massive brain; this was Metamorphis (Christopher Plummer).  Like the deformed, Metamorphis claimed to be the result of Gandaharian scientists who unleashed powers they did not understand.  The brain freely told Sylvain that he would not be susceptible to the poison that Sylvain carried for a thousand years.  So, he put Sylvain into stasis.

A thousand years later, Sylvain awoke in a desolate Gandahar, but soon met one of the deformed.  Metamorphis was now decrepit and dying.  To stave off death, it had generated a gateway to the past through which it was importing Gandaharians to feed upon.  Sylvain administered the poison and fled with as many Gandaharians as he could back through the time portal, to his own time.  And the world is saved.  Huh?

The world of Gandahar doesn't make much sense.  Why does Ambisextra have wings on her head?  And what is with that name?  In a world where scientists are making giant brains and messing with DNA to create the deformed, why does Sylvain find himself traveling by pterodactyl?  The deformed are dressed like cavemen.  They do live in caves, but again, this world has scientists.  The time travel stuff works, but feels unnecessary.  So, the brain doesn't start attacking Sylvain's era for a thousand years, so Sylvain has to travel to the future to stop a threat attacking today.  Right.  So, for the rest of Sylvain's life, he could travel back out to sea and have conversations with Metamorphis.  The more interesting question is why weren't there Gandaharians for Metamorphis to devour in the future?  Not a question that was asked.

This is only the 3rd French animated film I have watched and it fits nicely into the weirdness.  Fantastic Planet (1973) was much stranger though it has a similar aesthetic.

Mediocre.  Skip.

A Force of One (1979)

In a coastal California city, a pair of vice cops were found dead.  The injuries are such that the police concluded that an expert martial artist killed them.  As such, Detective Mandy Rust (Jennifer O'Neill) went to a local dojo to interview Matt Logan (Chuck Norris), the current Karate champion who happens to live in the community and was training to defend his title in an upcoming competition.  Furthermore, the chief wanted the vice cops to take martial arts training, which Matt provided.  Soon, more vice cops were found dead as the drug problems worsen.  Even Matt was attacked by a masked martial artist, but he was able to defend himself until the assailant fled.

Chuck Norris essentially played himself.  Matt Logan is a Karate champion who runs a martial arts studio.  Interestingly, one of the trainers at the dojo is Anderson, who is played by Chuck's real-life brother, Aaron Norris.  Matt has an adoptive son, Charlie (Eric Laneuville).  Notably, his real-life son, Mike Norris, had a cameo as a pizza delivery kid on a skateboard. The dojo secretary, Harriett (Lisa James), clearly wants to date Matt, but he and Detective Rust are seeing a lot of each other, not all of it professional.

Jennifer O'Neill was a strange choice for the lead.  She had cut her hair quite short for a previous movie and it is basically a buzz cut here.  She doesn't give the vibe of a hardened cop.  Nonetheless, she got top billing.

There is plenty of martial arts action.  The villain's muscle, Sparks (Bill "Superfoot" Wallace, a Karate champion), trounced the 4 vice cops, ambushed Matt, later fought Matt in the championship match during the competition, and had a epic showdown with Matt in the finale.  Indeed, he did more onscreen fighting than Norris.

Though there is a lot of promise in the story, the script is mediocre.  The story drags along and the characters don't develop.  The romance between Matt and Mandy gradually goes nowhere.  There is an effort to explore both the martial arts competition and the drug world, blending the two into a single narrative; does not work well.

Just okay.

Ballerina (2025)

Young Eve (Victoria Comte) sat in the hospital with a glass-encased ballerina in her lap; there was blood on her and the glass.  Earlier, she had been with her father when armed men attacked.  They were led by The Chancellor (Gabriel Byrne).  Her father fought until he was mortally wounded but succeeded in getting her away from the men.  Now she was alone.  Then Winston (Ian McShane) arrived and offered her a future.  He delivered her to the Director (Anjelica Huston) of the Ruska Roma.  Now she would train.

Twelve years later, Eve (Ana de Armas) had learned to dance, to shoot, and to fight.  She felt she was ready.  The Director agreed and dispatched her on a mission.  Success.  A tattoo was etched to her back to mark her success.  Two months later, she stood before a broken mirror and pulled a shard of mirror from her shoulder.  Then, she took a picture of the dead man and made her way out of the bathroom, stepping over multiple bodies on the way.  Oh, she's lethal.  As she left, she was attacked, but she kills her assailants.  One of them had the same mark as the men who killed her father.  The Director told her to forget it.  She could not forget it.

From here, the movie becomes one long series of gunfights and brawls.  Story, dialogue, and character development are unnecessary.  The plot of Electra avenging her murdered father is as old as literature; it needs no development, just execution.  The problem is the suspension of disbelief.  That she is an expert with a gun, knife, or sword is not a problem.  However, once she gets into an unarmed brawl, it's just silly.  During her training, the movie tried to inoculate against that, explaining that she had to set the terms of engagement to her advantage; that is, don't try to beat a wrestler by wrestling him.  Good advice.  Then she gets into physical brawls.  Sigh.  The amount of punishment she suffers during her extended fights are beyond what John Wick suffered, and it was a stretch for him.

Though the fights are well-choreographed and exciting, Eve's fight skills vary widely depending on what has been choreographed.  For instance, during a lull in combat, she came across the barista who server her coffee.  She's not a threat, right?  Wrong.  A battle commenced and was quite a challenge for Eve despite having a gun and a knife.  Later, Eve was faced with six men with assault rifles; no problem, she had a katana and sliced and diced the bunch of them.  Wow.  Lucky that she didn't have to face 6 unarmed baristas there instead.

The villains are stupid.  Despite having communication, the villains never converge.  They just wander the streets like video game NPCs who wait for Eve to show up and kill them.  She is on their turf, a town where she has never been and doesn't have a map, but she is always surprising them.  Where John Wick was on the run and being chased, these guys know exactly where she is headed: to kill the Chancellor.  How about we put the Chancellor in a non-bulletproof car to extract him but drive through the part of town where she was last reported?  Sound like a good plan?

John Wick (Keanu Reeves) makes a couple of appearances.  First, his dealings with the Director (John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum) are partly replayed and Eve briefly interacts with him.  Later, he arrived in the town where she was running rampant with instructions to neutralize her lest a war between Ruska Roma and the Chancellor was triggered.  When one considers how easily he subdued her, repeatedly, it is a wonder that she was such a threat to this town.  Nonetheless, it was cool to see John Wick in action again.

The movie ends with Eve receiving word that she has a $5 million bounty on her head.  Here is an opportunity for a sequel in which Eve must fight wave after wave of assassins, repeating the career of John Wick.

Eve is entirely too good after a couple of months in the field.  She, like Rey (Daisy Ridley) from Star Wars, is just naturally better than everyone because reasons.  Her backstory is too bland, especially compared to John Wick.  He had his dog killed and his car stolen.  That's original.  He left the life for a woman who soon died of cancer.  Yeah, that sucks.  He had years of experience where he earned his reputation as the top killer.  By contrast, Eve wants to avenge her dad.

"Hello.  My name is Eve Macarro.  You killed my father.  Prepare to die!"

Old hat.  Then there are the interesting twists that are wasted.  Oh, look, this assassin that we've been seeing around since Prague is actually her sister.  Whoa.  Maybe they will team up and...  she's dead.  Sigh.  Well, good thing we included that in the movie.  I never got invested in Eve's journey and was kind of indifferent whether she succeeded or not.

Worth watching to see the old gang from the John Wick movies, but otherwise a skip.

The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare (2024)

During WWII, the British were having a hard time in the war thanks to the submarine warfare of Germany.  They discovered a weakness in the U-boat fleet; air filters.  If they could destroy enough air filters, it would hamstring the German U-boats' operations.  The Germans were sailing out of Fernando Po, a Spanish-held island off the coast of Africa.  Spain was neutral, so attacking German ships in port was an act of war.  Brigadier Gubbins (Cary Elwes), codename M, knew just the man for the job: Augustus 'Gus' March-Phillips (Henry Cavill).  Gus agreed to the mission but only if he could pick his team.  One of his choices was unavailable, as he was in a German camp.  No problem, we'll rescue him on the way.

The team is split in two parts: Heron (Babs Olusanmokun) and Marjorie Stewart (Eiza Gonzalez) traveled to Fernando Po openly, while Gus and his crew of commandos travel by sailboat.  Heron owned a bar on Fernando Po and collaborates with the British.  Marjorie was an entertainer and tasked with seducing the sadistic Nazi commander, Heinrich Luhr (Til Schweiger).  They were to scout the area and provide intel to the sailboat team.  Gus and crew had run-ins with both a German ship and a Royal Navy ship, both of whom wanted to stop them.

The movie is jam-packed with action.  Explosions, stabbings, shootings, hacking with axes, extreme archery, and even some fisticuffs and wrestling.  There is no shortage of blood and death.  What there is a shortage of is danger.  Even in the most dire circumstances, it never feels like the characters are threatened.  The crack team of commandos kill vast swathes of Nazis and rarely suffer a bruise.  In the final battle, one character took a bullet to the shoulder.  Ooh, that must sting.

Though based on a true story, it comes off as an over-the-top action extravaganza.  First, Anders Lassen (Alan Ritchson) is like a force of nature that just rips through Nazis like a hot knife through butter.  He kills multiple Nazis with a single arrow, clears the lower decks of a ship with an axe, slices, dices, and stabs Nazi sailors without suffering any injury other than a shirt stained with blood.  Is he some sort of superhero?  Marjorie is supposed to be the femme fatale who uses her wiles and sexuality to distract and seduce.  Of course, she's also the best shot, embarrassing the locals that Heron has recruited.  Luhr, who had been hyped as this nasty and formidable boss, was dispatched with ease.  Sigh.

There are some fun bits.  Ian Flemming (Freddie Fox) is M's adjutant.  When he said, "Fleming, Ian Fleming," I chuckled.  For those not in the know, Ian Flemming wrote the James Bond books and served in British Intelligence during World War II.  According to the IMDb Trivia, Gus March-Phillips was an inspiration for Bond.  Cavill, Ritchson, and Henry Golding have great chemistry, making a fine team.

As far as spy movies go, The Man from U.N.C.L.E. was better.  Still, this was good popcorn fun, as most Guy Ritchie films are.

Thelma & Louise (1991)

35 years after it was released, I finally got around to seeing this film.  Meh.  Let's expand.

Thelma (Geena Davis) was unhappily married, and Louise (Susan Sarandon) was an overworked waitress.  As luck would have it, Louise's boss was in the midst of a divorce and would have to sell his cabin in the woods.  In the meantime, he was allowing all his staff a turn.  The two women set out, though Thelma has wildly overpacked for a weekend getaway.  Against Louise's wishes, they stop for drinks at a roadhouse.  Inevitably, a man hit on Thelma.  Harlan (Timothy Carhart) made a concerted effort to get Thelma drunk and, while dancing with her, spun her until she was about to be sick.  Oh, let's get some air outside.  BTW, Harlan's a rapist.  Of course, by the time she is bent over a car in the parking lot, one can't help but think Thelma is the dumbest woman on the planet.  How naive can you be?  Luckily, Louise arrived with a gun and saved Thelma.  Then she shot Harlan to death.  Well, he deserved it.  So, let's get in the car and race away!  Oh, Louise isn't much brighter than Thelma.  Great.  Thelma wanted to go to the police.  Nope.  New plan: let's flee to Mexico!  They are in Arkansas and want to flee to Mexico, but Louise absolutely, positively will not drive in Texas.  Sigh.  Okay, we'll drive through Oklahoma to New Mexico and somehow overshoot to Arizona.  However, they didn't bring enough money.  Louise calls her boyfriend, Jimmy (Michael Madsen), and convinced him to wire her money to Oklahoma City.  On the way, they meet the charming and handsome J.D. (Brad Pitt), who Thelma wants to bring along.  Seriously!  Did you learn nothing from Harlan?  Though J.D. claimed to be a college student looking for a ride home, he later admitted to being a robber on parole.  Well, in that case, come into my room and let's get it on.  OMG!  Thelma, you can't be this dumb?  Louise had entrusted the money from Jimmy to Thelma's care and, surprise, surprise, J.D. absconded with it.  No problem at all.  Thelma took the gun and held up a local convenience store, repeating the spiel that J.D. told her.

Hal (Harvey Keitel) had been investigating Harlan's death and wanted to talk to Thelma and Louise.  When he saw video footage of Thelma's robbery, he reassessed from witnesses to suspects.  As they had crossed into Oklahoma, it was now a matter for the FBI.  The manhunt - womanhunt - was on!

The two are finally cornered near the Grand Canyon.  Unwilling to surrender, they drive the car off the cliff to plunge into the canyon.

Of course, I knew the ending, so that was no surprise at all.  The surprising thing was how every man they encountered along the way proved to be a lech, a thief, or a rapist.  At every turn, they made the worst decision that led them to their inevitable doom.  Now that I've seen it, I don't understand why it was so popular.  But I am not the intended audience.

Skip.

The Octagon (1980)

In France, a diplomat exits an embassy and gets in his car.  He has hardly departed through the gate when a pair of assassins kill him and most of his entourage.  One of the assassins was killed.

In the USA, Scott James (Chuck Norris), his pal AJ (Art Hindle), and AJ's girlfriend attended a dance performance.  Both Scott and AJ looked admiringly on the lead dancer, Nancy (Kim Langford).  Scott asked her out.  At dinner, Scott talked about Nancy's dance style, which incorporated martial arts; Scott is a martial arts champion who has retired from fighting.  Nancy explained that her brother was into martial arts.  Oddly, she asked about the assassination in France.  Scott took Nancy to her house and stepped into a ninja assault.  Ninjas had killed Nancy's family and killed her almost as soon as she entered the house.  Scott fought and defeated them.  Afterwards, he thought it was impossible.  The ninja were gone.  There were only two people who could train ninja: him and his brother!

Flashback: Scott (played by Mike Norris - Chuck's son) and Seikura were raised by Isawa (John Fujioka) and trained as ninjas.  Though one was Japanese and the other American, they were raised as brothers.

McCarn (Lee Van Cleef) called upon Scott and brought up the ninja issue.  McCarn was something of a private contractor in the field of killing terrorists.  Could Scott lend a hand?  Scott declined.

Despite his insistence that his brother could not be training ninja terrorists, the evidence repeatedly indicated otherwise.  Would he have to fight his brother?  First, he would have to locate the secret training camp rumored to be somewhere in Central America.

In the third act, Scott entered the octagon, a building that served as the training center for the ninjas.  Of course, Scott proved adept in overcoming it.  One of his best fights on film took place, where he fought Kyo (Richard Norton - a Karate black belt and friend of Norris) the ninja enforcer.

This movie began the ninja craze of the 1980s.  The following year, Sho Kosugi began his string of ninja movies: Enter the Ninja (1981), Revenge of the Ninja (1983), Ninja III: The Domination (1984), and the hilariously campy Nine Deaths of the Ninja (1985).  He also starred as the villain in the TV series, The Master (1984), which starred none other than Lee Van Cleef as the titular master.  In 1985, Michael Dudikoff took up the ninja mantle in American Ninja (1985).  Amazingly, he was raised by a Japanese ninja played by John Fujioka!  How many young Americans did he train in Ninjutsu?  Dudikoff returned in American Ninja 2 (1987).

There is more story than required.  There is also a vast array of characters for an action film.  As far as ninja, these are not the best.  These guys just wear black clothes, not the particular gear that would become a staple of later movies.  Then again, a lot of these 'ninja' are just terrorists from around the world who attended a training camp for a month.  Hardly ninjas.

The weakest part of the movie is Scott thinking.  While Chuck Norris has a pensive look, his voice echoes his thoughts.  The movie would improve greatly without the echoing voice over.

Good popcorn fun and recommended.