CQ (2001)

Paul (Jeremy Davies) is a young American filmmaker in Paris in 1969.  He is the editor of a sci-fi movie called Dragonfly and is also doing a self-documentary in the apartment he shares with his girlfriend, Marlene (Elodie Bouchez).  The film's producer (Giancarlo Giannini) hates the end of the film and fires the director (Gerard Depardieu).  Eventually, Paul finds himself as the new director and tries to satisfy himself, the original director, and the producer.  To complicate matters, he is infatuated with the lead actress, Valentine (Angela Lindvall).

The movie has potential but it hinges on Paul, who is incredibly boring.  He is a self-obsessed fool who wanders through endless opportunities and fails to seize any thanks to his passivity.  No, everything must be explicitly handed to him, and mostly it is.  The only time he really acts was when he chased after a stolen can of film.  He's a lump.  It is baffling that Marlene ever dated him.  Davies has this uncomfortable vibe to him that shows in several roles: Corporal Upham in Saving Private Ryan and Snow in Solaris.  He talks only just above a whisper, like he's afraid to speak his mind.  He makes Michael Cera seem like a confident action hero.

Of note, this was Roman Coppola's first, and so far only, film.  He is son of Francis Ford Coppola and brother of Sofia Coppola, two very successful directors.  Roman wrote CQ, which is about a filmmaker's first film; could it be that Paul is Roman?  A director making a film about a director's first film while filming a film of his life?  Gads, that sounds like something Charlie Kaufman would write.

Hard to watch.  Skip this one.

Utopia

A young woman and her husband arrive at the house of her recently deceased grandfather.  It is immediately clear that grandpa was a hoarder.  However, among the junk are pages of a comic book called Utopia, which claims to be the sequel to Dystopia.  Though the wife suggests tossing it in the trash, the husband thinks it might be worth something.  Indeed, he gets some immediate feedback online.  Well, I guess this is something for ebay.  No?  Never heard of ebay?  You're going to rent a room at a hotel during a comicbook convention and have non-secret bids from a random set of convention attendees?  Okay.

On the other side of this are the fans, specifically a group of 5 fans who believe that Dystopia is not exactly fictional.  Yes, they are conspiracy theorists who believe Mr. Rabbit - the comic's villain - is an evil genius who plans to wipe out humanity with an engineered virus and that he is responsible for a variety of viral outbreaks around the world which are cleverly exposed in the pages of Dystopia.  With Utopia, they will be able to find out who Mr. Rabbit is and save the world!  Okay.

The hero of Utopia is Jessica Hyde, the daughter of a brilliant scientist who has been kidnapped by Mr. Rabbit.  Her goal is to rescue her father while avoiding the agents of Mr. Rabbit.  At the end of episode 1, she shows up.  So, there is indeed truth to the comic.  Oddly enough, when the conspiracy theorists meet her, they are skeptical.  Okay.

Though this is just an American version of a British show, it had the misfortune to premier during Covid-19 and some of the storyline is pretty creepy with that backdrop.  We have a villain who has intentionally spread a disease for which he has a 'vaccine.'  He wants everyone to take the vaccine.  Whenever his plot is on the ropes, he engineers some fake news.  Yes, he has an entire cadre of people who create false identities and histories for his agents, make certain stories trend on social media, and otherwise manipulate the populace.  At any other time, this might just be escapist but there is maybe a smidge too much verisimilitude here.

The 8th and final episode ends with cliffhangers for all the major characters, signaling a second season.  Not only are they cliffhangers, half of them are accompanied by a major plot twist.  With the ham-fisted way that the finale dealt with the vaccine, I don't have high hopes for the explanations for these twists.

Overall, it's not worth the effort.  I wouldn't have watched the whole thing except to write this review.  John Cusack and Rainn Wilson are the most noteworthy stars.  The background of the 'comic' that starts the ball rolling undermines the idea of a comic.  Who published Dystopia if it is just a bunch of art from a man stuck in an asylum?  When Utopia shows on the scene, it's as if everything is a mystery but there are all these fanboys who cosplay as the various characters.

Skip this one.

Pirates (1986)

The notorious pirate, Captain Thomas Bartholomew Red (Walter Matthau), and his sole remaining crewman, Frog (Cris Campion), are floating at sea on a rickety raft and starving.  The starvation is such that Red attempts to eat Frog.  Lucky for Frog, a Spanish galleon appears on the horizon.  They are soon aboard the ship and, despite Don Alfonso's wish to toss them overboard, are impressed as new crew.  Aware that the galleon has a golden throne in the hold, Red launches a mutiny to take the ship.  Those officers who survived - Don Alfonso (Damien Thomas) among them - are tossed into the brig.  The tables turn again and again.  Red is blind to everything but the golden Aztec throne, willing to toss away the lives of however many pirates as it takes to secure it.  Frog, his name is actually Jean-Baptiste but 'Frog' is a standard epithet for Frenchmen, is the naive and morale fellow who has fallen for Maria-Dolores (Charlotte Lewis).  He is torn between his duty to Captain Red and his desire for her.  Don Alfonso wants to marry Maria, hang the pirates, and take the gold to Spain.  How will it all end?

Walter Matthau would not have been my first choice to play a pirate but he is magnificent here.  He does a terrific job of being a cutthroat, greedy pirate but also comical and occasionally charming.  Despite his greed nearly costing him his life on several occasions, he never mends his ways.  This is often quite funny.

Damien Thomas was not the best choice for the villain.  He is too unlikable.  Sure, that's usually the point of the villain but he is technically the good guy.  There had originally been plans to cast Timothy Dalton, which would have been better.  Even when Thomas is trying to be charming, he comes across as an unsavory boor.

Though there is a lot to like about the movie, the story is unengaging.  Command of the ship just jumps between Don Alfonso and Captain Red.  Back and forth.  Worse, the ship gets repeatedly captured because Red is a really cunning pirate but Don Alfonso retakes it because Red is a greedy drunk.  Sure, it's funny once but it is less so with each iteration.  There is also a lot of unrelated fluff.  What's with the dying captain wishing he had been an Aztec?  Why include the attack of a comically fake snake on the minor character of Boomako?

Fun in parts.  Must see for Matthau fans.

Congress Loves to Send Money Elsewhere

 

This is an old tweet but it is timely.  And probably true.  Sigh.

Bulldog Drummond

Richard "Bulldog" Drummond was a popular character who first appeared after World War I.  A former captain in the trenches, he missed the action and excitement so he became a gentleman adventurer.  Not exactly a spy or a private eye but certainly someone who could resolve problems.  He appeared in nearly 20 novels and more than 20 films.  His last notable appearance was in a couple of films in the late 60s staring Richard Johnson, a British actor who declined the offer of James Bond in Dr. No.

Deadlier than the Male (1967): Richard Drummond, veteran of the Korean War, has been called upon to investigate some peculiar deaths that have been very beneficial to a mysterious and nameless figure.  This mysterious person's representative is Irma Eckman (Elke Sommer).  Irma is an assassin who uses her sex appeal to seduce men and kill them.  She often teams with fellow assassin Penelope (Sylva Koscina).  To complicate Drummond's investigation, his nephew has arrived in London and needs a place to crash.  The nameless figure proves to be Carl Peterson (Nigel Green), an evil mastermind with a castle for a lair that is filled with beautiful and deadly women from all over the world.  Drummond must outwit him to save a Middle Eastern monarch, his nephew, and himself!  It is a standard James Bond knock-off with beautiful femme fatales, a menacing villain with a lair full of minions, and plenty of action.  It drifts a bit to the campy side in some scenes but is generally fun.

Some Girls Do (1969): Carl Peterson (James Villiers) has returned and this time he is trying to sabotage the development of a supersonic plane.  As before, he has a bevy of gorgeous women who do his dirty work, the most notable being Helga (Daliah Lavi).  Most of them have been 'robotized,' which is not well-defined.  Peterson's final gambit is to destroy the prototype while in flight by use of infrasound technology.  Drummond is called upon after early sabotage efforts have plagued the project and follows leads that take him to Peterson's latest lair with the "help" of Flicky (Sydne Rome) and Peregrine Carruthers (Ronnie Stevens).  Flicky is a gorgeous ditz who follows - unasked - Drummond from place to place with unlikely stories to explain her presence.  Carruthers is a comic relief sidekick who tends to be more hindrance than help.  This is practically a remake of its predecessor but campier.  Villiers lacks the magnetism of Nigel Green though he does exhibit the master-of-disguise talent that Green didn't.  Nonetheless, I preferred Green in the role.

The movies are entertaining but it's clear why the series did not continue.  It's very sixties.  Drummond is kind of a bland adventurer with the attributes of a spy in the mold of Bond but not a government.  Peterson is a weak villain compared to Blofeld and SPECTRE.  Of course, the second movie is clearly inspiration for Austin Power's fembots.

Popcorn fun.

Harry Palmer

With the boom of spy thrillers in the 1960s that started with Dr. No (1962), new franchises appeared.  One of the more successful ones followed the adventures of Harry Palmer, played by Michael Caine.  While James Bond travels to exotic locations to engage in action-packed adventure, Palmer finds himself navigating the bureaucracy of the intelligence service.  There are forms to sign, paperwork to fill out, and places to surveil.  Whereas Bond spends his time wearing tuxedoes in posh casinos, Palmer shops at Safeway and cooks at home.  Palmer is very middle class though, like Bond, he has a gift for seducing beautiful women.  Also like Bond, he has his M, Colonel Ross (Guy Doleman), who appears in all three Harry Palmer films.

The Ipcress File (1965): Professor Radcliffe, one of the leading physicists of the UK, has been kidnapped and his bodyguard killed.  Harry Palmer, an agent with a criminal record, is reassigned from surveillance duty to replace the murdered agent.  Now working for Major Dalby (Nigel Green), he is assigned to track down the man most likely to have Radcliffe and arrange a ransom.  Along the way, he launches an unsuccessful rescue, learns of a mysterious brainwashing technique, kills an American spy, and has multiple dustups with both his current and former bosses.

A Funeral in Berlin (1966): Colonel Ross dispatches Harry to Berlin to arrange a high-value defection.  Harry has many friends and acquaintances in Berlin as he served there just prior to the Ipcress File.  Most of these acquaintances are criminals, something that infuriates Inspector Reinhardt of Berlin Police.  After meeting the local man in Berlin, Johnny Vulkan, Harry learns that the would-be defector is Colonel Stok (Oskar Homolka) of the Russian Army.  Harry thinks it's a con job but reluctantly travels to East Berlin and meets with Stok.  Harry still doesn't believe him but Ross gives the go ahead and forwards the money.  Stok demands that Kreutzman, a man famed for his ability to smuggle defectors from east to west, take charge.  The plot proves more complicated with the involvement of Israeli Nazi hunters, double agents, and people who aren't who they seem to be.

The Billion Dollar Brain (1967): Harry has left the service and is a private detective who is reduced to eating corn flakes in his office.  Ross arrives to ask him back into service, offering a promotion and more pay.  Harry declines but soon after receives a call from a computer that sends him to Helsinki with a mysterious package and a promise of 200 pounds.  In Helsinki, he meets an American friend, Leo Newbigen (Karl Malden).  Leo takes the package and pays Harry.  Then, he proposes that Harry join a private outfit that has no risks and high pay.  He's intrigued and will think it over.  Enter Colonel Ross, who carries out the threat of drafting Harry back into service.  He must recover the package and return it to the UK.  To do this, he finds himself entangled with Latvian rebels, the Russian Army - including a return of General Stok, a Texas oil billionaire with his cowboy goon squad, a super computer - the titular billion dollar brain, and yet another gorgeous woman throwing herself at him.

Of the three, The Ipcress File is the most gritty.  It takes place entirely in London and follows Palmer on his first real case.  In the later two, he's a veteran and not fazed by some of the situations.  Here, he is daring and direct but inexperienced.  A Funeral in Berlin is the best as far as classic spy movies go.  There are lots of characters with conflicting goals and unknown motivations.  Harry is a professional here and has some secrets of his own.  The Billion Dollar Brain is the most like a standard Bond movie.  Harry travels to Finland, Latvia, and Texas.  General Midwinter (Ed Begley) is the standard mad villain with a private army, a secret bunker, and dreams of conquest.  It is the weakest of the bunch, an unfortunate conclusion for the series.

Michael Caine had signed up to do 5 movies but balked after the financial disappointment of The Billion Dollar Brain.  He was released from the contract but, in the 1990s, he reprised the role in a couple more movies.

Highly recommended.  The first two are top notch and the third is still a lot of fun.

Hell Drivers (1957)

Tom Yately (Stanley Baker) is recently out of prison and seeking a job.  He finds a position as a truck driver for a company that delivers gravel to building sites.  His fellow drivers are a rough crew led by C. "Red" Redman (Patrick McGoohan).  Red takes an immediate dislike to Tom and most of the drivers join in that attitude, except Gino (Herbert Lom).  Gino plans to earn enough to travel back to Italy with the company secretary, Lucy (Peggy Cummins).  However, Lucy suddenly has eyes for Tom.  When Tom refuses to fight in a brawl with the rest of the crew, the general dislike grows to hate.  Talk about a hostile work environment.

The noteworthy thing about the movie is the number of stars who appear before their big break in show business:

1. Sean Connery - future James Bond - has a small role as truck driver Johnny Kates.  He doesn't have a lot of lines but his charisma shows.

2. Herbert Lom - Chief Inspector Dreyfus of the Pink Panther Series - is truck driver Gino Rossi.  Lom was an established actor by now and received second billing.

3. Patrick McGoohan - Danger Man/Secret Agent/The Prisoner - is the prime villain, Red.  I have long liked McGoohan but here he is a one-dimensional villain.  Constant hostility with a cigarette clamped between clenched teeth and an angry glower on his face.  He's got less depth than a comic book villain.  Of course, the moment Tom stops taking his guff and proves that Red's bark is worse than his bite, Red makes dastardly plans to kill Tom.

4. William Hartnell - the original Doctor Who - is Administrator Cartley.  He has the commanding gruff demeanor that is familiar to his later fans but it isn't counterbalanced with his Doctorly charm.

5. Jill Ireland - frequent co-star of future husband Charles Bronson - is the landlady's daughter.

6. David McCallum - the Russian Man from UNCLE - plays Tom Yately's younger brother.  Also of note, he was Jill Ireland's first husband and they met on this movie.  When McCallum was working on The Great Escape (1963), he introduced his wife to Charles Bronson.

The movie is just okay but it is worth seeing for the cast.

Jack's Back (1988)

There is a serial killer in Los Angeles and he's duplicating the crimes of Jack the Ripper, 100 years to the day later.  The victim profile matches and the method of death matches.  As the movie begins, it is the day of the last Jack the Ripper murder and the police are desperate to find the likely victim.  Meanwhile, John Wesford (James Spader) is a do-gooder par excellence.  Currently working his residency at a free clinic in the neighborhood where he grew up, he also volunteers at a homeless camp nearby.  In a case of horrible timing, he stumbles upon the final murder and is killed soon after, his death made to look like a suicide.  He becomes the prime suspect as the Jack the Ripper copycat.

Richard "Rick" Wesford (James Spader) awakens from a nightmare in which he witnessed his brother's murder first hand.  Determined to clear his brother's name and get the man who killed him, Rick becomes a thorn in the side of a police department that is eager to have the case closed.  Where his brother was a nice guy, Rick is mostly hard edges.  He has a criminal record, mostly from being a teenage delinquent but one count that sent him to jail or the military.

The movie is generally good though there are times when I shook my head at the nonsensical decisions of the characters.  When John encountered the killer, he chased him.  Why?  You can ID him.  Just call the cops and let them know.  They'll get him.  Nope, after being clearly identified at the final murder, he runs away and confronts the killer, and gets himself killed.  Later, his brother does exactly the same thing!  What is wrong with these Wesfords?  Do they have a death wish?  Luckly, Rick isn't the easy meat in a fight that his brother was but it was still stupid.

There is some really good misdirection in the film.  Several characters seem particularly suspicious.  Robert Picardo is good as a consulting psychiatrist who seems a bit off.  The twins bit was done well.  John mentioned his brother to a patient and also looked at a picture of the two of them as toddlers.  That should have been a big hint that his days were numbered.  Spader was very different as each brother, one being a good boy and the other the bad boy.

Just okay.  If you like Spader, definitely check it out.

The Fourth Protocol (1987)

Kim Philby, infamous British intelligence officer who defected to the Soviet Union, arrives at a remote dacha for a meeting with the head of the KGB.  No sooner has he stepped out of his car than he is murdered by a Soviet soldier.  It should be noted that Kim Philby (1912-1988) was a real person who was still alive in Russia when this film was released.

Valeri Petrofsky (Pierce Brosnan) arrives at a Soviet base where he is met by the very soldier who shot Philby.  The soldier introduces him to the head of KGB, who has a special mission for him.  He is going to assemble an atomic bomb that the KGB intends to smuggle - piece by piece - into England.  He will then detonate it next to a US Airforce Base.  This was the plot of Octopussy (1983)!

Meanwhile, John Preston (Michael Caine) is busy ferreting out a traitor in London.  He exposes the man but does so by ignoring the orders of his director (Julian Glover).  This earns him a demotion to Ports & Airports duty.  As luck would have it, a Russian sailor was hit by a truck while running from a security guard.  He had an unusual metal disk that is an integral part for an atomic bomb.  It is now a race to see if Preston can track down Petrofsky before he finishes the bomb.

Michael Caine is terrific.  He can be charming, funny, or intimidating.  His character is well-developed without beating the viewer over the head.  A single glance at a picture of him, a woman, and his son explains that his wife is dead and he is a single father.  Despite a demanding job, we see he makes time for his young son.  Really, a well-written and acted role.

By contrast, Brosnan is bland.  In every situation, he has the look of a guilty character.  He spends his time glowering at everyone.  Even when he goes drinking with an American (Matt Frewer AKA Max Headroom), he is stone-faced.  Brosnan is an actor who is overflowing with charisma - Remington Steele had 5 season thanks to it - but here he is one-dimensional.  What kind of spy just looks suspicious all the time?

Ned Beatty had a cameo as a Russian general.  That was unexpected.  There was no effort to do a Russian accent which made it odder still.  Yeah, not buying him as a Russian general.

Ian Richardson was a stand out as Sir Nigel Irvine, a high-ranking secret service official who plays realpolitik with cool demeanor.  His cold-blooded rebuke of a man who unwittingly betrayed the nation was great stuff.

Though it has a strong plot and good characters, it lacks action.  There aren't a lot of thrills in this thriller.  Still, enjoyable to watch and a must see for fans of Michael Caine.

Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold (1986)

Quatermain (Richard Chamberlain), now frequently called just 'Q' by friends and family, is back.  While he and Jesse (Sharon Stone) are planning a trip to America to get married, Dumont, a colleague of his Q's brother, stumbles to their home.  Q fights off a pursuer and captures a peculiar blade.  Dumont is feverish but explains how he and Roberson - that would be Q's brother - found the lost city of gold.  In the morning, Dumont is dead - murdered!  Much to Jesse's disappointment, Q opts to go in search of his brother rather than sail to America.  Recruiting Umslopogaas (James Earl Jones) along the way, he ventures into darkest Africa and discovers the lost white race as well as his brother.  Unfortunately, gun runners and cannibals are eager for the lost city's gold.  Can Quatermain fight off the greedy hordes?

Whereas King Solomon's Mines was campy fun, this is campy cringe.  Jesse was only just tolerable in the last one but has now devolved into a screeching nag.  Where Herbert Lom was fun as a comic German villain, Robert Donner is disastrous as the obviously deceitful and greedy Swarma who is nonetheless a member of the party.  Cassandra Peterson - best know as Elvira, Mistress of the Dark - has a small role as one of the queens of the Lost City but is little more than a prop.  Despite being queen, she is just a minion of high priest Agon (Henry Silva).  Now there is an interesting choice in casting.

At one point, the party ventures into a stone tunnel that has an uncanny resemblance to the trap-laden tunnel from the opening of Raiders of the Lost Ark.  And sure enough, there are traps that kill a couple of nameless luggage handlers.  However, when the action resumes, the party is now in canoes.  What?  They never got more then 10 yards into the lethal tunnel but now they're on the river?  Where did they get the canoes?  Did the tunnel end on the river's edge with canoes awaiting?

Quatermain carries a revolver that seems to shoot a dozen rounds or more before needing to be reloaded.  He had a rifle this time around but has misplaced it before the climactic battle.  Beneath the castle is a pool of molten gold.  Uh, that's going to be really hot.  Gold melts around 2000 degrees!  You don't just walk walk around that.  Somehow, Q hammers a gold figurine of a lion on the top of the temple and that unleashes streams of molten gold to slay those sieging the city.  There is no explanation for this unless Umslopogaas' axe had the magical ability to melt gold when struck by lightning.  Yeah, it was like that.

This was tremendously bad and nixed the idea of a third film.  I'm sure all involved were glad they didn't have to make another turkey like this.

Hard pass

Law of Averages

The Law of Averages is a weak law when applied to small numbers but becomes more reliable as the sample grows.  For instance, if 100 people flip a quarter 10 times each, you can expect about 500 heads and 500 tails.  However, if Bill flipped 10 consecutive heads while Stacy flipped 10 tails, that would not be surprising.  The more coin flips, the closer to 50-50 it should be.

In Michigan, Joe Biden had his strongest showing in Washtenaw County.  He crushed Trump, winning 72% of the vote compared to Trump's 26%.  His next best showing was Wayne County.  Biden won 68% of the votes to Trump's 30%.  As these are some of the most populous regions of the state, that explains how Biden could win despite only carrying 11 of Michigan's 83 counties.  But this leads to a question of those early morning batches:

3:50 AM, 59,215 votes were processed that were 92% for Biden.  Huh.  This is a vastly better showing than Biden had in his two strongest counties.  As noted in an earlier post, he stomped Trump with mail-in ballots by a 2 to 1 margin but this is 12 to 1.  Of course, there were 5.5 million votes cast so this is only 1% of the total.  This is like the example where Bill flipped 10 consecutive heads.  Just happened to lean very Biden.

6:31 AM, 185,069 votes were processed that were 95.9% for Biden.  Huh.  That's over 3% of all the votes cast in the state and it is even more lopsided.  As a whole, the state went to Biden by 50.6% to Trump's 47.8%.  The bigger the sample of ballots, the more it should tend toward that ratio.  If Biden had won these two batches by 63% to 37% - still stomping Trump, Trump wins Michigan.

Food for thought.

Trump's Landslide vs. Biden's Landslide

According to Pew Research, 27% of votes were cast on election day, 27% at early voting sites, and 46% via absentee or mail-in ballots.  The breakdown by candidate is interesting:

Trump - 37% election day - 30% early voting - 32% absentee/mail-in

Biden - 17% election day - 24% early voting - 58% absentee/mail-in

That means that 67% of Trump voters went to a polling station to cast their ballot while only 41% of Biden's did so.  What does the election look like in that case?

Trump 49,728,639 vs. Biden 33,325,465

This is a Trump landslide, a 60 - 40 split.  The number of people leaving their house to vote for Trump dwarfs the number who did the same for Biden.  Now let's look at the absentee/mail-in votes.

Biden 47,144,756 vs. Trump 23,750,992

That is a Biden tsunami, a 66 - 33 split.  This is a massive drubbing.

This split between Trump and Biden voters follows the candidates' behavior.  Trump was out campaigning and his voters came to the polls.  Biden spent most of the campaign season in his house and that is what the majority of his voters did.

King Solomon's Mines (1985)

Allan Quatermain (Richard Chamberlain) has been hired by Jesse Houston (Sharon Stone) to locate her father in deepest Africa.  Not until he rescues her from being kidnapped by Dogati the Turk (John Rhys-Davies) and Colonel Bockner of the German Army (Herbert Lom) does he learn that her father is searching for King Solomon's Mines.  Of course, that is a myth so her father must be some crackpot.  However, he is now committed and zany adventures ensue.

Made in the mold of the Indiana Jones movies, this is non-stop action.  There is chase through an African city that goes through crowds, on rooftops, on a horse-drawn cart, and even in a truck.  Later, we have the fight on the train.  Sneaking under the train, across the train roof, on the side of the train, and so on.  Then there is the biplane with Quatermain dangling from a wing while Jesse attempts to fly.  Of course, it is mostly campy action.  Sometimes the silliness just goes over the top, such as when Quatermain bluffs his way through a train car full of Germans by acting the fool with a cheap horn.  While John Rhys-Davies mostly plays it straight as a villain, Herbert Lom is a comic relief villain.  Sharon Stone is dressed in exactly the way a woman in the 1910s wouldn't dress.  This is early in her career and she isn't given much to do.  She is no Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen).  Chamberlain wasn't the right man for this role.  The beard doesn't like right on him and he is too cheery and upbeat.  What sort of big game hunter is armed with a sawed-off shotgun and a revolver?  Though meant to be campy fun, he is the butt of too many jokes and is more often portrayed as an incompetent bumpkin who gets lucky rather than a skilled adventurer.

Cheesy fun.

ffolkes (1980)

A criminal band led by Mr. Kramer (Anthony Perkins) cons its way aboard a Norwegian supply ship that is bound for some North Sea oil drilling and processing platforms.  No sooner is the ship underway than they hijack it.  During stops at the platforms, divers are dispatched to plant explosives.  Once all the explosives are in place, Kramer contacted the British government and demanded millions in payment to save the platforms.  As luck would have it, Rufus Excalibur ffolkes (Roger Moore) had trained his commandos for just such a situation.  Summoned to deal with the terrorists, ffolkes is soon calling the shots.  Oil Platform Administrator King (David Hedison), Admiral Brinsden (James Mason), and even the Prime Minister (Faith Brook) are following his dictates.

As a thriller, it is just okay.  There is very little action, mostly just tense situations.  The most interesting thing about the movie is the atypical casting of Roger Moore.  Rather than a suave ladies man in the vein of his ongoing role as James Bond, here he is a bearded, cantankerous, cat-loving misogynist.  The misogyny is played to the full with ffolkes.  Rather than make a request of Mr. King's secretary, he would tell King to tell her even though she was in the room.  Rather than the cultured drinking of Bond, here he swigs directly from the bottle that he keeps in his bag.  I suspect he found this role to be a pleasant change of pace, an opportunity to play against type.  Worthwhile just for that.