Condorman (1981)

The story opens in Paris where Woody (Michael Crawford) is visiting his friend Harry (James Hampton).  Woody is a comic book writer - Condorman being the superhero - who likes to test his ideas before putting them in his comics.  In Paris, he tests a set of Condorman wings by leaping from the Eiffel Tower and then crashing into the Seine.  Harry works for US Intelligence and is asked by his boss to find a civilian to delivery papers to Istanbul.  Of course, he thinks of Woody.  Woody dons the stereotypical garb of a spy and sets out.  When he meets his contact, Natasha (Barbara Carrera), he brags about being a top operative, codename: Condorman.  Then, when a trio of Turkish thugs come for Natasha, he defeats them through dumb luck.  Back in Moscow, Krokov (Oliver Reed) confronts Natasha, furious that she had gone to Istanbul without his permission, but also curious about this Condorman.  Fearing Krokov, Natasha wants to defect but only if Condorman handles the extraction.

An odd mix of goofball comedy, romance, and spy thriller.  Thanks to CIA funding, Woody has a plethora of high-tech equipment, from a machinegun cane to an old jalopy truck that turns into a rocket car/hovercraft.  Of course, his wings from the opening get a more successful use later in the movie.  It is hard to believe that this comic book artist manages to deceive a top operative like Natasha for so long.

Disney had been sure it was going to be a hit, even planning for a sequel.  It bombed.  Probably the biggest problem is the casting of Michael Crawford.  He comes across as plaintive, lacks comedic timing, and can't sell the combination of eager for adventure but also incompetent.  It has its moments but is mostly mediocre.

Royal Flash (1975)

Royal Flash follows the adventures of a scoundrel.  While fleeing the London police in 1842, Captain Harry Paget Flashman (Malcolm McDowell) has a chance encounter with Lola Montez (Florinda Bolkan) and Otto Von Bismark (Oliver Reed).  While Bismark tries to expose him to the police, Lola protects him.  Soon, Harry is having an affair with Lola and has made an enemy of Bismark.  The affair with Lola is short-lived and ends poorly.  In 1847, Harry receives a summons from Lola.  She is now the Countess of Landsfeld and the mistress of King Ludwig I of Bavaria.  She has a lucrative offer for him.  Greed and another chance to bed Lola prove an irresistible lure for Harry.  No sooner does he arrive than he is forced to flee with Rudi Von Sternberg (Alan Bates).  He soon finds himself in the hands of Bismark, who has great plans for German unification.  Flashman bears an uncanny resemblance to Prince Carl Magnus and Bismark proposes that he stand in for the absent Prince, who is supposed to marry Duchess Irma (Britt Ekland) of Strackenz.  This is, in fact, a Prisoner of Zenda movie.  There is constant plotting and backstabbing.

The film has the same campy feel as Richard Lester's The Three Musketeer (1973) and The Four Musketeers: Milady's Revenge (1974).  Sadly, it doesn't work this time around.  Much as I like Malcolm McDowell, he is terribly cast.  Flashman is 6'2" and broad-shouldered.  He looks the hero but acts the coward and bully.  Imagine John Wayne taking a role as a cad, coward, and thief; yeah, that's Flashman.  McDowell is only 5'8" and stick thin.  He fits the sniveling coward too well, especially in the wake of his most famous role as Alex in A Clockwork Orange.  He doesn't have the charisma to pull off a roll like Flashman.  Likewise, Florinda Bolkan is wrong for Lola.  When we first meet Lola in 1842, she should be 21 years old, whereas Bolkan is 34.  Lola was Anglo-Irish and had merely adopted a Spanish stage name, but Bolkan is Brazilian and has a dark Mediterranean complexion.  Oliver Reed makes for an excellent Bismark and Alan Bates is entertaining as Rudi.  Britt Ekland is bland as Irma, but it is a tiny and bland role.  It was funny to see Bob Hoskins as a London Constable before he was a big name.

Though planned as the first of a series, it did not do well at the box office.  The author of Flashman, George MacDonald Fraser, wrote the screenplay.  He had also done the screenplays for Lester's Musketeer movies.  Heroic campiness is more charming than cowardly campiness.  Bob Hope was great at playing the horny coward who was still likeable; McDowell doesn't have that talent.

Mediocre.