The January Man (1989)

Bernadette Flynn (Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio) and her friend, Alison Hawkins (Faye Grant), headed home after a New Year's Eve Party.  They shared a cab to Alison's apartment building.  Drunk and happy, Alison stumbled into her apartment and said hello to her fish.  Then, a figure appeared behind her and strangled her to death with a blue ribbon.  This was the 11th murder in the last 11 months with the same M. O.

Mayor Flynn (Rod Steiger) was furious and vented his anger to Police Commissioner Frank Starkey (Harvey Keitel).  Bernadette is his daughter, so this struck alarmingly close to home.  The mayor demanded that Nick Starkey (Kevin Kline), who happened to be the commissioner's brother, get reinstated as a police detective to solve the case.  Frank was less than keen, but obeyed orders.  Nick had been with the fire department since his scandalous departure from the police.  Nick's methods were unorthodox and his choice for an assistant - an artist named Ed (Alan Rickman) - raised eyebrows.  Captain Alcoa (Danny Aiello) was apoplectic that Nick was reinstated and that he was required to provide whatever the crackpot needed.

Despite the setup, the murder mystery is almost secondary as far as the plot is concerned.  A great deal of time focused on Nick's obsession with his brother's wife, Christine (Susan Sarandon).  Indeed, it would seem that they were an item before his exit from the police.  He even accuses her of marrying the wrong brother.  Oddly, Nick's one requirement for returning to the police was that he could have dinner alone with Christine.  Bizarre.

Later, Nick clumsily followed Bernadette, only to be spotted by her.  Okay, so he's not that good at tailing someone.  Then, rather than talk to her about the case, he convinced her to go to a hotel and hop in the sack.  She agreed!  Um, is this a murder mystery or a romance?  Bernadette moved in with Nick and became his Girl Friday for the remainder of the film, with relatively little pushback from her father, the mayor!

The movie has no idea what it wants to be.  None of the relationships are sufficiently developed.  The brothers more or less hate one another and it was Frank who was guilty of the crime that got Nick kicked off the force.  Christine rejected Nick at the dinner but later returned to find Bernadette at his apartment; now she was jealously incarnate and couldn't wait to leave Frank.  Huh?  Ed is an artist and computer whiz with a Maynard Krebs view on life; kind of a wasted use of Alan Rickman.  Rod Steiger is just a blowhard with a bad perm.  So, is this a romantic comedy, a murder mystery, a thriller, a whodunit, or what?  All of the above in a hodge podge fashion.

With such a great cast, this is an astonishingly mediocre film.  Skip.

Thelma & Louise (1991)

35 years after it was released, I finally got around to seeing this film.  Meh.  Let's expand.

Thelma (Geena Davis) was unhappily married, and Louise (Susan Sarandon) was an overworked waitress.  As luck would have it, Louise's boss was in the midst of a divorce and would have to sell his cabin in the woods.  In the meantime, he was allowing all his staff a turn.  The two women set out, though Thelma has wildly overpacked for a weekend getaway.  Against Louise's wishes, they stop for drinks at a roadhouse.  Inevitably, a man hit on Thelma.  Harlan (Timothy Carhart) made a concerted effort to get Thelma drunk and, while dancing with her, spun her until she was about to be sick.  Oh, let's get some air outside.  BTW, Harlan's a rapist.  Of course, by the time she is bent over a car in the parking lot, one can't help but think Thelma is the dumbest woman on the planet.  How naive can you be?  Luckily, Louise arrived with a gun and saved Thelma.  Then she shot Harlan to death.  Well, he deserved it.  So, let's get in the car and race away!  Oh, Louise isn't much brighter than Thelma.  Great.  Thelma wanted to go to the police.  Nope.  New plan: let's flee to Mexico!  They are in Arkansas and want to flee to Mexico, but Louise absolutely, positively will not drive in Texas.  Sigh.  Okay, we'll drive through Oklahoma to New Mexico and somehow overshoot to Arizona.  However, they didn't bring enough money.  Louise calls her boyfriend, Jimmy (Michael Madsen), and convinced him to wire her money to Oklahoma City.  On the way, they meet the charming and handsome J.D. (Brad Pitt), who Thelma wants to bring along.  Seriously!  Did you learn nothing from Harlan?  Though J.D. claimed to be a college student looking for a ride home, he later admitted to being a robber on parole.  Well, in that case, come into my room and let's get it on.  OMG!  Thelma, you can't be this dumb?  Louise had entrusted the money from Jimmy to Thelma's care and, surprise, surprise, J.D. absconded with it.  No problem at all.  Thelma took the gun and held up a local convenience store, repeating the spiel that J.D. told her.

Hal (Harvey Keitel) had been investigating Harlan's death and wanted to talk to Thelma and Louise.  When he saw video footage of Thelma's robbery, he reassessed from witnesses to suspects.  As they had crossed into Oklahoma, it was now a matter for the FBI.  The manhunt - womanhunt - was on!

The two are finally cornered near the Grand Canyon.  Unwilling to surrender, they drive the car off the cliff to plunge into the canyon.

Of course, I knew the ending, so that was no surprise at all.  The surprising thing was how every man they encountered along the way proved to be a lech, a thief, or a rapist.  At every turn, they made the worst decision that led them to their inevitable doom.  Now that I've seen it, I don't understand why it was so popular.  But I am not the intended audience.

Skip.