The story opens with Dr. Angela Lovemore (Sandra Bullock) and Dash McMahon (Channing Tatum) bound next to each other on a stone floor where they are surrounded by vipers while the nameless villain (Steven Lange) monologues that he will soon have the fabled Crown of Fire while they will be dead.
Delete. Delete. Delete.
Romance author Loretta Sage (Sandra Bullock) is entirely unhappy with the climax of her latest book and instead leaves it unresolved. Her publisher, Beth (Da'Vine Joy Randolph), is not thrilled, but the deadline has arrived. Her book, The Lost City of D, is published and a book tour follows. Encouraged to wear a sequined purple jumpsuit (which serves as her totally inappropriate atire for the majority of the film), Loretta appears onstage with cover art model Alan Caprison (Channing Tatum). The women in the crowd are more interested in asking 'Dash' questions than Loretta. After an argument with Alan, Loretta storms off, only to be abducted by the oddly named billionaire, Abigail Fairfax (Daniel Radcliffe). Fairfax has located the Lost City of D and, having read her book, discovered that Loretta has practical knowledge of the hieroglyphic language. Indeed, her deceased husband was an archeologist and she used his research as a basis for her book series. Fairfax needs Loretta to decipher some clues he has discovered at the ruins of D.
Meanwhile, Alan and Beth are desperate to recover Loretta. Alan proposes contacting his yoga instructor. Beth is baffled. He explains that his trainer had been a Navy SEAL and CIA operative. Jack Trainer (Brad Pitt) agrees to rescue Loretta, but will need her phone. Alan agrees to deliver Loretta's phone. Of course, Alan expects to be part of the rescue, repeatedly ignoring Jack's demands that he stay out of the way. His tagalong routine is played for laughs.
The parallels to Romancing the Stone are obvious. Lonely author finds herself on an adventure with a handsome man, just like in the books she writes. However, Abigail is a laughable villain and Alan is a useless bumpkin. The best action scenes of the movie occur during Brad Pitt's brief appearance.
Enjoyable to watch but far inferior to Romancing the Stone.
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