The story opens in 1975 when American astronauts and Russian cosmonauts shake hands after joining their capsules in space. As the years go by, the International Space Station grows bigger and more hands are shaken. Some centuries later, Alpha - the hodge-podge space station composed of a vast number of extraterrestrials - has grown so massive that it threatens earth with its gravity; it is pushed out of Earth's orbit to become an independent city soaring through space. Four hundred years later on the planet Mul, the native bluish aliens with scintillating skin live idyllic lives on tropical beaches until alien craft come crashing down upon them. One vessel proves so massive that it creates a shockwave that decimates the alien community, only a handful survive in a wrecked ship they were exploring.
Elsewhere in the universe, Valerian (Dane DeHaan) awakens to a vision of the blue aliens' destruction. Before he ponders it, Laureline (Cara Delevingne) arrives. They are en route to a mission. They seek to recover a stolen item at a transdimensional bazaar. Successful, they head to Alpha, which has grown even more massive. The commander (Clive Owen) tells them that an unknown menace has taken over a part of Alpha and that all efforts to investigate have failed - no one returns. The commander has called a meeting of the Alpha Council; Valerian and Laureline are to be his bodyguards. During the meeting, the blue aliens attack, subdue everyone, and carry away the commander. And then commences a series of rescues and captures before the climatic reveal.
Dane and Cara have no chemistry. At one point, Laureline has an exchange with some random mercenary and there was vastly more chemistry with him than with her romantic lead. Valerian is introduced as a legendary womanizer but has all the charm of an awkward teen on his first date. His response to being rebuffed by Laureline is to ask for her hand in marriage. Ugh. He is also made out to be the most successful agent around but he comes off amateurish. I've liked Dane DeHaan in other movies but he is horribly miscast in this role. Tom Cruise from Top Gun, Bruce Campbell from Brisco County Jr., or Burt Reynolds from Smokey and the Bandit is how the character should have been played. That playful, smartass cockiness combined with easy charm is beyond Dane DeHaan. Entirely unsuited to the role.
Cara Delevingne is beautiful but not particularly attractive. Her idea of flirting with Valerian is to insult him. She is almost universally hostile or disapproving, a constant scold. That may have worked for Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia but it doesn't work here. Also, her character has been altered. In the comic, Laureline is a redheaded peasant from 11th century France whereas she is here painted as a modern well-educated woman. Why is Valerian so desperate to win over such an unappealing woman? On the other hand, it is clear why she is rebuffing him.
Too much of the movie is a sidetrack adventure. When the commander is taken, Valerian goes in pursuit but crashes and contact is lost. In order to find him, Laureline must escape custody, confer with a trio of aliens who tell her to get a particular oracle-like jellyfish - which proves to be an adventure itself - which reveals Valerian's location. No sooner does she rescue him than she is abducted by some aliens and he must now rescue her. This requires that he find a shape-shifting alien (Rihanna) who will help him infiltrate the stronghold and save Laureline. Sigh. All the while, the main plot of the movie sits on the sidelines, forgotten.
The heart of the movie is the bluish aliens who survived on the wreck. It has been thirty years since their planet was destroyed as collateral damage in a space battle between humans and some unnamed aliens. In those thirty years, these pre-industrial beachcombers managed to cull the vast knowledge base of Alpha to become the most formidable force around. Uh huh. That's some pretty amazing technical progress.
The movie also has some political messages. Humanity is to blame for the plight of the bluish aliens and any efforts to redress that would 'ruin the economy.' The bluish aliens lived at one with nature until humans ruined it. We have met the enemy and they are us. Wonderful.
The action scenes are often very cool but drag on too long. There was one epic space battle, the one around the planet Mul, that had no point because there are no characters. What do I care if that fighter zipped between those two destroyers and fired its missile? Do we know the pilot? Do we know the characters on the ship that was hit by the missile? There is no reason to show any of this because there is no emotional attachment for the audience. Sure, it looks great but so what?
Mediocre and disappointing. Like George Lucas with The Phantom Menace, Luc Besson allowed special effects to blind him from storytelling and acting. The love story between Valerian and Laureline had that same blandness of Princess Amidala and Anikin Skywalker. Half of this film should have been left on the cutting room floor and the rest should have had reshoots. Skip this one.
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