Aeon Flux (2005)

A disease swept the earth and killed 99% of the population.  Trevor Goodchild cured the disease, and the survivors now live within the walled city of Bregna.  It has been 410 years and the Goodchilds have ruled that entire time.  Among the populace are those who oppose Goodchild rule; they are the Monicans.  Aeon Flux (Charlize Theron) is a Monican agent who never fails.  She has been given the assignment to kill Trevor Goodchild (Martin Csokas).  When she stands before him with her gun aimed at his head, he calls her "Catherine."  Flashes of memory cause her to hesitate.  Then she is captured.  That Trevor refuses to have the assassin executed caused a political shakeup among the elites, especially his younger brother, Oren Goodchild (Jonny Lee Miller).  Aeon's hesitation marks her as unreliable and sets Monicans against her, notably her protege, Sithandra (Sophi Okonedo).

The movie is almost, but not entirely, unlike the TV show.  Both Aeon and Trevor have been watered down to puddles of mush.  Aeon is soft and emotional, uncertain what she is doing or where she is going.  Trevor is all good and entirely right on his positions.  This is not some tyrant who is doing it for the good of his people, whether they like it or not.  No, he is a truly good man, no ambiguities.  The dark sides of Trevor's personality from the TV show have been stripped from him and given to his newly-created brother, Oren.  Oren is the bad guy.  He's all bad, no redeeming qualities.

The big surprise is that the disease was never cured, they just came up with a workaround.  Humanity was sterile, unable to reproduce.  The Goodchilds reused DNA from those who died to reintroduce them into the population.  Of course, there was no way this could have been kept a secret for 400 years, but it was.  Also, Trevor and Oren were making clones of themselves and training them to be the same.  Gee, Trevor Goodchild has been ruler for 400 years and - looking at the statues, posters, and banners - looks exactly the same all that time.  The cloning bit should not come as a surprise to anyone, but it does.

The same year, The Island (2005), was released.  It also had clones.  A new clone was a blithering idiot but as time went on, they gained the knowledge and memories of the original.  That is what happened here as well.  Meh.

As a standalone film, it is mediocre.  As an adaptation of Aeon Flux, it is a disaster.  This is not Aeon Flux in look, in tone, in characters, or even in setting.  Creator Peter Chung was not involved in the making of the movie and viewed the result as a travesty.

Skip.

The Old Guard (2020)

There is a small cadre of immortals who find work as mercenaries.  They are led by Andromache of Scythia, an Amazon queen of Greek Myth.  She goes by Andy these days.  Andy (Charlize Theron) has a bad feeling about a new job that Booker has arranged.  Sure enough, they all get killed in an ambush.  A minute later, they stand up and slaughter their ambushers.  Clearly, their secret is out and they need to go on the offensive against Copley (Chiwetel Ejiofor), the man who set them up.

It turns out that Copley wants to hand them to the unscrupulous CEO of a big pharma company so that they can be studied.  Maybe cures can be discovered.  It's for the greater good.  Besides, his wife died a horrible death from cancer, so Copley is really a good guy, just a little misguided.  Yeah, right.  His transformation from villain to ally was unbelievable.

No sooner does the team set out to find Copley than they dream about a new immortal.  The new immortal proves to be a US Marine stationed in Afghanistan.  Obviously, Andy just goes to Afghanistan, infiltrates a US military base, beats down several Marines, and extracts Nile (KiKi Layne) in a Humvee.  Yeah, how did that extraction work?  We didn't actually see her infiltrate the base.  No, she just appeared around a corner.  Nor did we see her leave.  It was Nile's point of view and she was unconscious from the fight until she woke up in the Humvee.  What strange powers do immortals have?  Ah, the power of plot.

The immortals are an odd bunch.  There are two hypermasculine women, the gay Crusaders, and Booker the Traitor.  Andy and Nile get along winningly.  Like most women, they have to get in a fight.  It's that standard fight between eventual allies, like Robin Hood and Little John.  Women do that, right?  I get the feeling this was written by a man.  Yeah, sure enough.  Just so we don't have too much masculinity, there are the gay Crusaders, a Muslim and a Christian who fell in love.  Yes, look at the tenderness between them.  Listen to one tell how these non-immortals cannot understand the depths of his love.  Even during a battle, when one is shot, the other has to go check on him because... well, of course he'll be fine but he needs to check anyway even though they are in the middle of a gunfight.  Love.  That brings us to Booker the Traitor.  Booker is French and he has given up.  What originality!  Yes, he took the job that got them all killed knowing that it was an ambush.  But then why didn't Copley just warn the ambushers to disarm them?  Wait, this makes no sense in retrospect.

There is a John Wick feel to some of the gunfights where Andy plays John Wick.  I have no issue with Andy mopping the floor with a score of men in a gun battle.  She has centuries of experience in combat.  However, when she gets into a brawl, the suspension of disbelief gets stretch a bit too far.  She may be immortal but she's still just 120 lbs. with ordinary strength.  She may heal quickly but that doesn't make her bones harder to break.  Not buying it.

The big villain, Merrick, is just crazy.  Once he has captured a couple of immortals, he tells them to their face that he is going to vivisect them until he determines what makes them tick and monetizes it.  He is supremely confident that the tables will never turn.  No, they will never... What?  They escaped?  Luckily, I have this pistol so I can shoot them.  Ugh.

It reminds me of Highlander, a far better movie about immortals.  In that, decapitation was fatal.  For these immortals, they expect to survive being burned at the stake.  What's left to heal?

There is a great idea here but the execution is terrible.  I don't like any of these immortals.  Nor do I like any of the mortals.  Skip it.

Long Shot (2019)

Charlotte Field (Charlize Theron) is Secretary of State and has ambitions of running for President.  Her boss, President Chambers (Bob Odenkirk), had played president on TV and loves to watch reruns of his glory days.  In fact, he has decided not to run for re-election so he can establish a movie career.  He is not averse to offering his support for her candidacy.  At this key moment, Fred Flarsky (Seth Rogen) re-enters Charlotte's life.  She had been his babysitter, which is weird in flashback.  He's 13 and she's 16.  Huh.  Fred is an unemployed reporter with a drug habit.  Oh, Seth Rogen as a pot smoker?  This is my shocked face.  :|  Despite the wise counsel of all her advisers, Charlotte hires Fred as a speechwriter.  Charlotte is entranced by Fred glowing memories of her high school campaign for class president.  Yeah, the hyper-successful woman jumps in the sack with this unkempt doper.  If it played as a true comedy, that might work.  Instead, Charlotte is an environmental activist with a Bees, Trees, and Seas agenda that is getting chipped away by political realities.  Ugh.  And Fred is an absolutist who loses faith in her for cutting deals.  Ugh.  This is a comedy, right?  The movie has lots of profanity, some drug use (including by the Secretary of State who is running for President), cringe-inducing masturbation (meant to be funny), and a completely unconvincing love story.  This is a comedy, right?

 

Best avoided.