Saturday, June 22, 2024

The Last Witch Hunter (2015)

It is the Middle Ages and a band of men trek through a frozen landscape until they come to a massive tree.  Torches blazing, they dare into the dark recesses of the tree to slay the Witch Queen.  The battle proves challenging as the Witch Queen's minions swarm the men and her magic confuses and misleads them.  Among the witch hunters is Kalder (Vin Diesel), who is clearly the strongest fighter.  He manages to overcome the queen's magic and skewer her with a flaming sword.  As she dies, she curses him with immortality.

Modern Day: Kalder is on a plane that is suffering turbulence as it passes through a storm.  Leaving his seat, he uses a glass of water and a bent staple to find a witch.  Matter of factly, he demands that she hand it over.  He finds charms that - when combined - cause storms.  Oops.  After confiscating them, he leaves the witch alone.  Back at his New York apartment, he meets with Dolan (Michael Caine).  Dolan is his handler and liaison with the church, the 36th to hold the position.  Kalder still calls him 'kid' and is not thrilled to see him retire.  The new Dolan (Elijah Woods) arrives the next day.  Just like everyday, there is witchery afoot and Kalder sets out to hunt it.

Rose Leslie, best remembered from Game of Thrones as the girl who said "You know nothing, John Snow" - is a witch who brews potions.  She finds herself needed by Kalder and hunted by other witches.  She also proves to be the love interest.  Maybe.  There is some flirting.  Perhaps it's nothing.  He's a witch hunter and she's a witch, so it looks like it probably wouldn't work out.  Besides, she's in her 20s and he's 800 something years old.  Talk about a May-December romance.

The character of Kalder needed more work.  As an immortal, he fears nothing but that doesn't mean his is invulnerable.  He regularly gets ensorcelled by various witches.  You would think he had a counter for witches messing with his mind after all these centuries.  Also, after 800 years, you would think he would have pondered something he says repeatedly in this movie: To break a curse, you kill the witch that cast it.  Hmm.  If you kill the witch, the curse is broken.  I'm cursed with immortality by the witch I killed.  Wait.  Maybe I should think about this.  Nope.  Another strange thing was that he is mostly unarmed.  I suppose being unkillable makes you cocky.  He has this vast armory at his apartment but only breaks that out for the big fights.

Good popcorn fun!

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