Time Bandits (1981)

Kevin (Craig Warnock) is a boy fascinated by history.  After bed one night, a mounted knight burst from his wardrobe, leapt over his bed, and galloped down a tree-lined path.  What?  Kevin's father appeared moments later to demand Kevin go to sleep and not make so much noise.  There was no sign of the knight's passage.  The following night, Kevin was prepared; he had a camera and a flashlight.  He awoke to find six dwarves emerging from the wardrobe.  They were soon followed by a disembodied head that demanded they "Return what you have stolen from me!"  Caught up in the rush, Kevin plunges into a time hole with the dwarves.

The dwarves have a map - which they stole - that shows where holes in time exist, allowing them to travel time and plunder the best stuff.  Their leader is Randall (David Rappaport).  Fidgit (Kenny Baker) is the nice one, Og (Mike Edmonds) is the dumb one, Wally (Jack Purvis) is the angry one, Strutter (Malcolm Dixon) is four foot one, and Vermin (Tiny Ross) eats whatever is at hand.

1796 Italy.  Kevin tried to flee from the dwarves only to run into French cavalry.  Soon, they encounter Napoleon (Ian Holm) who, being sensitive about his height, eagerly recruits the dwarves as his new generals.  They use the opportunity to steal all the plunder and escape through another time hole.

Middle Ages England.  Finding themselves captured by ruffians, Randall convinces them that they too are ruffians and want to join the gang.  It turns out these are Robin Hood's (John Cleese) men!  Robin is most pleased with all the treasure they have brought and commence to redistribute it to the poor.  Once again forced to flee from the disembodied head, they find two gates.  Kevin goes through one that quickly closes, separating him from the dwarves.

Ancient Greece.  Kevin falls upon a Greek warrior who is battling a minotaur.  The Greek warrior proves to be King Agamemnon (Sean Connery) and Kevin quickly grows attached and even becomes his adoptive son and chosen successor!  But the dwarves have not forgotten Kevin and come to rescue him from his peril and steal some booty while they're at it!

In the Age of Legends, Kevin and the dwarves face an ogre, a giant, and finally Evil incarnate.  All their adventures had led to this point, as Evil (David Warner) lured them there to steal the map.  With the map, he will change all of creation!

I originally saw this movie when it was released.  We were spending the weekend in Palm Desert and my mother dropped my brother and me at the theater to see this.  Great fun.  I've seen it several times over the years and have always enjoyed it.  Highly recommended.

Amistad (1997)

It is 1839 and La Amistad, a Spanish schooner, is asea with a cargo hold full of slaves.  The slaves break free of their chains and kill most of the Spanish crew.  Those Spaniards left alive are ordered to sail the ship to Africa.  Of course, the sailors deceive the slaves by sailing toward the sunrise by day but turn around at night.  Eventually, the Amistad is intercepted by an American ship and taken to Connecticut.  Initially, it is assumed that a slave revolt had occurred, in which case the slaves would be executed and the Spaniards allowed to leave with their ship.  However, it was instead determined that the 'slaves' were from Africa.  The African slave trade is illegal.  Ergo, these are not slaves, but free men who had every right to kill those who held them in bondage.  This was an inconvenient conclusion for both Spain and the United States.  President Van Buren (Nigel Hawthorne) wanted the ship and slaves sent back to Cuba or Spain, anywhere that would make them someone else's problem.

Abolitionist Lewis Tappan (Stellan Skarsgard) eagerly takes up the case of the enslaved Africans.  He hires Roger Sherman Baldwin (Matthew McConaughey) to argue the case.  As the Africans don't speak English, it is necessary to find an interpreter, who happens to be sailor currently in port, James Covey (Chiwetel Ejiofor).  Now they can interview the Africans and get the story, most importantly that of their leader, Cinque (Djimon Hounsou).  Despite difficulties, Baldwin wins the case!  But the government appeals to the Supreme Court.  Now former President and current Congressman John Quincy Adams (Anthony Hopkins) joins the case to argue the Africans' cause.

Overall, the movie gets the story correct.  However, there are many details over which to quibble.  Roger Baldwin is painted as a poor young lawyer who is getting his first big case.  McConaughey was in his late 20s when the movie was made.  The real Roger Baldwin was in his mid-40s and from a prominent family.  Queen Isabella II (Anna Paquin) was not yet of age to rule.  Those scenes where her advisors talk to her about the slave ship in American are just nonsense.  Queen Maria Christina was the regent during most of the Amistad drama.  Theodore Joadson (Morgan Freeman) is a fictional character; why?  What, you don't have enough characters already that you want to spend some screen time with a fictional one?

President Van Buren is treated badly by the script.  First, he did not go on the campaign trail to kiss babies and give stump speeches.  Campaigns were run by surrogates while the candidate stayed home.  Whistle stops are decades in the future.  Nor was he photographed while in office; the first president photographed in office was James K Polk in 1849.  That John C Calhoun should show up to a state dinner and embarrass Van Buren in front of the Spanish Minister is unthinkable.  Van Buren was a gifted politician (earning nicknames such as Little Magician and Red Fox of Kinderhook) who was the tactician behind President Andrew Jackson.  There is a reason that Jackson selected Van Buren as his successor.  Casting Nigel Hawthorne, who had recently (1994) portrayed the mentally disturbed King George III, further diminishes Van Buren.  He is walked over by his own cabinet secretaries, browbeaten by his opponents, and generally shown to be incompetent.  Good grief!

By contrast, John Quincy Adams comes across as the greatest former president who ever was.  Where most presidents vanish into retirement, Adams was elected to the House of Representatives only a couple of years after his presidency and remained there until he died in 1848.  During his lifetime, he had spent time in all the political parties (Federalist, Democratic-Republican, National Republican, Anti-Masonic, and finally Whig).  Hopkins does a great job with the character.

Overall, the film has uneven pacing and not enough focus.  Spielberg is telling too many stories.  If this was a mini-series, all of these characters could have arcs, but not here.  Dump the scenes in Spain, leave Van Buren out, delete the fictional characters, and focus on the story on Cinque.  Act 1, the revolt on the Amistad to the capture.  Act 2, the first trial where Baldwin wins.  Act 3, the Supreme Court and John Quincy Adams.  The rest is just filler that takes away from this central story and these most important characters.

Entertaining but not particularly educational.  The best part is Hopkins as JQ Adams.

The Dead Don't Die (2019)

Chief Robertson (Bill Murray) and Officer Peterson (Adam Driver) drive to the outskirts of town and hike into the woods.  Ronnie Peterson brings the shotgun.  They find a skinned squirrel.  Hiding in the bushes is Hermit Bob (Tom Waits).  Chief Cliff Robertson asks him not to steal Frank's chickens; it's illegal.  Bob replies by saying, "F--- you, Cliff!"  They return to the patrol car and drive back to town.  It is noteworthy that it is still light out despite being after 8 PM.  Something weird is happening.  The news discounts the theory that polar fracking has caused the earth's tilt to change.

"This won't end well," Ronnie predicts.

The town of Centerville has a population under 1000, some of whom are met as Cliff and Ronnie head back to the station.  There's Billy (Caleb Landry Jones) who runs a combo gas station and comicbook shop, Hank (Danny Glover) who owns the hardware store, Frank (Steve Buscemi) the farmer, Zelda (Tilda Swinton) the new owner of the funeral home, Fern who owns the diner, Lily the cleaning lady, a trio of delinquents at the Juvenile Detention Center, Danny the motel owner, and a trio of hipsters who have stopped for the night, and Mindy (Chloe Sevigny) the other police officer.  With all the characters introduced, the zombies arise and commence to dine.

The movie is not your usual zombie movie.  Some of the characters are entirely self-aware.  Early on, Ronnie declares that the music on the radio is the theme song; it is the theme song to the movie.  Later, he explains how he knows that it won't end well; he read the script.  For a zombie film, it is never scary.  If there was a point, it might be found in the ramblings of Hermit Bob as he witnesses the destruction of Centerville by the zombie hordes.  Maybe everyone was zombies already, mindlessly pursuing consumerism and their useless hobbies.  The world is a terrible place.

There are scenes that might have been funny but weren't.  There were parts that could have been scary but weren't.  The bonds between the characters were almost nil, to where the death of someone was often met with little more than a shrug.  Tilda Swinton's character was completely bonkers!  Some characters are completely pointless, namely the hipsters and the juvenile delinquents.  Why bother with either?  Give more time to the principal characters.

With such a cast, this was a disappointment.  Skip.

Presidents should be Parents First

Several years ago, during one of those meetings of the major economic powers of Europe and the United States, it was noted that most of the European leaders were childless.  Not just a couple of them but most of them had no kids.  Never even tried to have kids.  How strange.  One might ask, What does that matter?  If you have kids, you have a stake in the future.  You don't want to enjoy the party for yourself and leave an absolute mess for your kids.  But if you have no kids, what do you care?

Angela Merkel had no children.  She also opened the floodgates for migrants who were not the best fit for Germany.  With no investment in Germany's future, she was willing to make changes with little concern for the longterm consequences.

Kamala Harris is childless.  Sure, she has a step-daughter through her husband, but that's not the same thing.  A parent looks at the landscape being left for their children and grandchildren.  A politician looks at the next election.  The childless politicians of Europe have set the continent on a downward spiral with a crashing fertility rate and a rapidly expanding foreign population that has no desire to be British, French, German, or any other flavor of European.  No need to go down that path.

Phil Donahue

In the late 80s and early 90s, I was a regular viewer of Phil Donahue.  His show was kind of news-lite and it ran the gamut from entertainment to politics, and often hosted figures from each.  Frequently, the show was just the one guest and Phil would have a conversation and field questions from the audience.  Phil was openly liberal, not hiding behind a facade of neutrality.  At least, that's how I took him.  His show aired when it was still rude to just cut off the guest or filibuster the time.  It was more like a liberal version of Firing Line than Crossfire.  I can recall no specifics from the show, but toward the end Phil was always harried as he ran about the audience with the microphone to let someone else ask a question.  Oddly, when I first started watching Donahue, I mostly agreed with him.  By the time I stopped, I almost always disagreed.

RIP

Ballot Access Problem

VP Harris may have an issue with getting her name on all the ballots.  Joe Biden won every race, which was how one gets his name on the November ballot.  By dropping out, that does not automatically change the name.  Nor does his endorsement after his dropout assure that the endorsee is listed on the ballot.  What if he had endorsed Trump?  Crazy, but we all know his endorsement in that case would be ignored and tossed.  Let's suppose all the delegates vote for Kamala at the forthcoming convention.  That would be a return to the old style of choosing candidates, back before we had primaries.  One of the reasons for the switch to primaries was to disempower the political bosses in the smoke-filled rooms from imposing a candidate.  The primaries chose Joe Biden; the party bosses have selected Kamala Harris.  Is that legal?

Bernie Sanders' supporters took the Democratic Party to court for putting a thumb on the scale against him.  The judge agreed that the party 'cheated' to make sure Bernie wasn't the nominee, but the party gets to do what it wants.  It's a political party, not a government agency or business that must follow laws.  It is not up to the courts to decide how political parties choose candidates.  With that in mind, the switch to Kamala is likely to be fine as far as the party is concerned but that still leaves the states.

States have election laws.  Do the states allow for a switch after the primary?  Most almost certainly do, but maybe not all.  That could be a problem.  Back in June, there was a concern that Joe Biden would not appear on the Ohio ballot.  Legislation was passed and the Republican governor signed it in order that Joe Biden would be listed on the Ohio ballot; there was a deadline, which is why it was a newsworthy issue.  Will there need to be additional legislation to switch to Kamala?  If so, should the Republicans oblige?  Lawfare is apparently fair play this year.

I have heard it asserted that Joe Biden will either resign or be forced out of office before the election.  Why?  Because that will make VP Harris the president and the sitting president is always listed on the ballot.  Here is the opportunity to overcome any legal issues and transform Kamala Harris into the incumbent president.  Is it likely?  Probably not, but I wouldn't rule it out.

Space Adventure Cobra (1982)

Jane Flower is a bounty hunter.  She has just taken the head of a particularly valuable bounty when a strange man starts following her.  He claims to know where to find the biggest bounty of them all.  Is that so?  Yes, he knows where to find Cobra.  "But Cobra is dead!"

"No, I've just been in hiding," Cobra explains.  Cobra is a confident, charismatic man of action.  He always has a cigar in his mouth, a smile on his face, and a twinkle in his eye.  Rather than try to capture him for his bounty, Jane falls immediately in love with him.  Of course.  Jane is one of the last of her race and has a prophecy on the cusp of fulfillment.  She must find love and return to Myras, the planet without a star.  But first, she must free her sister.  After some lovemaking with Cobra, she recruits him to rescue her sister from a maximum-security prison.  "How will I recognize her?"

"She looks just like me.  We're triplets."

"Don't you mean twins?"

"No.  I have another sister who also looks like me."

Cobra has a huge ship that is crewed by himself and his sexy android, Lady.  From here, it is a tour of the galaxy as Cobra fights star fighters, skeletons, killer robots, snow guerrillas, and the big boss, Crystal Boy.  Guns are useless against Cobra as he dodges every shot.  He has two primary weapons: his revolver and his psychogun, which is an alternate form of his left hand.  How does that work?

Some of the artwork is clearly inspired by Heavy Metal (1981) since Jane looks surprisingly like Taarna, the bikini-clad swordswoman.  Likewise, she gets naked a lot, though this is often done without the details; just smooth skin.  Some scenes are inspired by 2001: A Space Odyssey.  There are psychedelic scenes that show the triplets are connected to the universe in a strange way.

The story is weak, but the action is plentiful.  It is never boring.  Just okay.